Redemption
by raneonthewyndoepain
Summary: What if Bella had made it out of Volterra, not alone, but with Jasper? When they return, devastated, to Forks, will either of them have the strength to admit that what they need most in the world is each other? Read to find out!
1. End

**WARNING: This chapter contains mature themes. If you can't handle it, don't read it. This is the most violent the story is probably going to be, so if you make it through this chapter, congratulations: the worst is over. **

I clung to Edward tightly as we made our way through the narrow halls of the sewer system. Even as I feared for my life I couldn't help marveling at the perfection of his features when the half-light that leaked in from the outside world allowed me to glimpse them. I'd gone so long without seeing his face…I could feel my heart drilling into my chest like a sledgehammer and he pulled me closer to him, probably thinking my increased heart rate was due to the graveness of our situation and not his proximity…Still, I wasn't complaining. I'd take what I could get.

I relaxed as soon as we entered the brightly lit hallway, at the exact same moment that Edward stiffened beside me. I tried to remind myself that we weren't out of the woods yet, that this battle was far from won, but it was difficult to be pragmatic with Edward beside me, the sweet, heady scent of him short-circuiting my neurons.

"Aro will be pleased to see you again," hinted Alec.

"Let's not keep him waiting," agreed his twin.

We followed them down a narrow passageway into a room that resembled a medieval torture chamber. From the look on Edward's face I could see I wasn't far off. I shivered, more from the cold than anxiety. I was way past being able to feel fear. In fact, the only thing I wished for as I entered that cold, dank, dungeon was the only thing I cared about anymore at all, the reason for Alice's and my race against time to this evil, ancient city…

_Please, _I prayed desperately, _please let Edward make it out alive. _

**___________________**

After I got off the phone with Alice, I didn't think, I just hopped on a plane. I knew from the sound of her voice that she was in trouble, despite her attempts to convince me otherwise. I arrived in Volterra alone, knowing that Emmet would just love the chance to get a shot at Felix and the rest of the Volturi guard. That was precisely why I didn't ask him to come with me. I loved my brother, but there was no doubt in my mind that if we provoked a fight with the Volturi, we would die.

That was why I was so determined to get there before Edward did something stupid. I was hoping that I could use my ability to influence Aro, Marcus and Caius, or maybe even calm Edward down if I found him before he got himself killed. And Alice…my stomach churned at the thought of the Volturi and my wife in the same room. If they hurt her, if they so much as touched one hair on her head - odds be damned, I'd murder them all.

____________________

After hours of searching, I was beyond panic. My mind had descended into a sort of numbness that I hadn't felt since I'd been forced to slaughter others on a daily basis. I couldn't stop picturing Alice surrounded, her large and beautiful eyes full of determination as they advanced…she wouldn't give up, that I knew for certain, no matter how outnumbered she was. She counted on her visions too much, and that made her cocky. They liked that, that foolish courage, and it would only serve to make her death that much more painful, in the end…

_Stop it, _I reprimanded myself harshly. _Stop being so morbid, you don't that she's dead, you don't know -_

But that, abruptly, was where my train of thought ended. I wanted to scream, to deny what my senses were telling me irrefutably, but it was no use, I could not hide from the horrifying reality that had turned my life into a waking nightmare…

I smelled smoke.

___________________

I did not have the strength in me to react as the last vampire advanced on me, slowly, an unmistakable bloodlust in his crazed, scarlet eyes. I did not even have the strength to pray it would be quick. Physical pain was one thing, oblivion was quite another; but both would be preferable to the searing agony that ripped apart my soul, left me screaming as I sprinted toward the pyre, wanting to die too, wanting to burn along with Edward so that, if I were lucky, some of our ashes might intermingle…and yet, even as I registered wanting to kill myself I could not believe he was dead, that this all wasn't just a horrible, sickening dream…

The flames flickered dimly in the corner of my vision as the last figure advanced on me hungrily, the smell of the fire filling my lungs with putrid smoke…he darted forward suddenly and hurled me against the wall; some unwanted reflex threw my arm out in front of me so that I would not be crushed, I heard it bend and then snap like a branch in a thunderstorm, but I was past feeling pain. I only sobbed brokenly for my Edward…bitterly for myself, that he must be stolen away from me when we had only just found each other again, but even more so for the world, that it should be robbed forever of his light, his bravery, his essential _good_…

And then out of the darkness came another, inhumanly graceful figure. For a moment my heart leapt, thinking the last few, terrible moments were an illusion, but I was wrong…it was not Edward that appeared out of the night, not Edward that brutally and totally destroyed the vampire that was trying to kill me…not Edward that put a splint on my shattered arm, that set me gently in the passenger side of his dark, glossy black car, not Edward whose cool hands moved, just a little too quickly, over my matted, bloodstained hair…

No, it was not Edward. It was Jasper.

**A/N: I couldn't stay away. I tried, but writing is just in my blood, I guess. Let me know what you think - I'll be eternally grateful. **


	2. Choice, Pt 1

**Bella's POV**

I did not fall asleep. Doubtless, it would have been a blessing to succumb to unconsciousness, but I could not. Every time I shut my eyes I saw only him, the fierce light that burned in his eyes as he fought them, one by one…at first, his determination was amusing to them, but as soon as it ceased to be funny - namely, the minute he made one of them scream in pain - Jane had him writhing on the ground. I was sure that if I lived through tonight (and I prayed to God I wouldn't) the image of his tortured face, trying to save me, trying not to let one iota of his true pain show, would render me just as him incapable of sleep as he himself had been….the agony it cost me to use the past tense tore a scream from my chest, and I knew suddenly that it was only Jasper's calming presence that kept me from throwing the door open and hurling myself out onto the pavement. As it was, my fingers itched toward the handle, waiting for the moment when he would be distracted by other thoughts…

The second I began to think this, he spoke.

"Don't, Bella," he breathed, and there was such infinite sorrow in those three syllables that I froze, trembling. "I can tell what you're feeling. I can't promise that I feel any different…but I've got to get you back. Please… don't let me responsible for any more death tonight. Please."

In the moonlight, he looked so beautiful, almost like my Edward, and his voice was velvet, just like his. Crazed with grief, I reached out with my left hand to stroke his jaw. "Jasper…"

He moved so fast I barely saw it. "Bella," he warned, shifting away from me, and suddenly he was foreign to me, just another nightmare in my empty, meaningless world. I screamed again at the horror, the cruelty of it all, and he reached out again, almost unconsciously, to stroke my hair.

"Don't touch me!" I snarled, wild with pain. "Leave me alone!"

His hand was gone, but empathy shone clearly on his face. His breath hitched, and I'm sure that if he could have, he would have been sobbing.

"Goddamn it!" he cried, his voice furious, and then again, so soft I didn't hear it, merely felt the release of air as he exhaled around the words. "Goddamn."

__________________

When I awoke in the morning, I was much too comfortable. I could feel the light on my face and I smiled, thinking Edward and Alice must have pulled into a hotel for the night. For once, I didn't begrudge them the expense. Charlie would be worried, yes, but I'd been so tired…and I'd had such a terrible dream…I opened my eyes, expecting to see Edward's face only inches from my own, and instead found, much to my surprise, that I was alone.

Swallowing hard, I tried to quell the panic that rose in my chest. Was this just his new way of abandoning me? Now that he knew I was safe, had I awoken just to find a note on my nightstand with the money for my ticket home enclosed? I let out a broken sob at the thought, made to toss aide the duvet…and a searing pain shot through my arm. Confused, I pulled back the blankets, and my heart stopped, my eyes refusing to acknowledge what they saw.

My arm was held together by a splint. In my dream, it had been broken…I screamed as I realized the truth that had evaded me, leapt wildly out of bed…and knocked a water glass to the floor.

I could hear footsteps in the hall outside as I stood there shaking, my eyes fixed on the broken shards of glass…and then the door opened, and Jasper rushed in. I had no time to think, but I was sure that if I had, my decision would have been the same. I knew Jasper. I remembered all too well the way he had reacted the night of my eighteenth birthday, the night that had sent my life spiraling out of control. I had no desire to live in a world without Edward. I knew what I had to do.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," I whispered, and his confused golden eyes became two perfect circles of horror as I seized a shard of glass from the floor and dragged it swiftly across my unbroken wrist.

**A/N: Ooh, cliffhanger. What do you think? Will Jasper kill Bella? Change her? So sorry to leave you in suspense, but there wasn't another good place to end this chapter…hope you enjoyed it anyway, and thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I was really pleased with the response and every comment means a lot to me. Keep 'em coming, and updates will be quick, I promise. : )**


	3. Choice, Pt 2

**Jasper's POV**

I watched in transfixed horror as Bella reached for the shard of glass. I might have been fast enough to stop her had I not been frozen in shock, but by the time I could move again, it was too late to intervene. I felt my insides twist in disgust at the bloodlust that rose in my throat as she dragged the jagged glass across her skin. I could feel my muscles tense, ready to spring, and I fought my natural instincts harder than ever before. Still, I could sense my will weakening, my mind succumbing to that awful impulse –

And then, Bella fainted.

Her eyelids fluttered, her body crumpled. There was no time for last words, only a soft little sigh as she collapsed, broken, on the wood floor that was now slick with the blood pulsing from her arm. There was something about the way she looked lying there, helpless and ivory-skinned, that made the decision for me. With a superhuman effort I fought back the red haze that threatened to descend over my eyes. Stubbornly, I held my breath and crossed the room to her side. The urge to inhale was overwhelming, but I ignored it, remembering instead the trust in Alice's eyes as she assured me that I wouldn't hurt Bella. I hadn't been convinced…and that was what had almost cost Bella her life, I realized with sudden, burning clarity as I ripped off a piece of the sheet and carefully bandaged her wrist (she was lucky she hadn't hit an artery). Now, however, I was absolutely positive that I would not harm Bella.

This certainty was only reinforced by how light she was as I lifted her, set her down on the king-size bed. She'd always been thin, but now she was unhealthily so, so skinny that she seemed like little more than a skeleton. My lips pressed together in a hard line as I thought about what our leaving must have done to her…Edward was a fool for that, I would have to tell him off later –

A searing pain ripped through my frozen heart as I recalled the truth. In the chaos of Bella's attempted suicide, I'd completely forgotten the cold reality of my situation….I dug my fingers into my palms as I took in the fact that I would never see Alice again…my sweet, small Alice with eyes like honey or dark chocolate depending on the day…Alice, who walked like a dancer and talked like an interior-decorator…Alice, who was so pretty when she was angry, so sexy when she bit her bottom lip…I swept out of the room, not knowing where I was headed, and finding it impossible to care about anything but the fact that my light, my love, my whole reason for living, had been stolen away from me forever.

**Bella's POV **

The first thing that occurred to me was that I was not, in fact, dead, or else the afterlife was far stranger than I'd imagined. I was lying curled up among the sheets on that ridiculous bed, my body sore all over. In my left arm was a deep, constant ache, while my right was preoccupied with a regular throbbing that I imagined matched the rhythm of my heart. But nothing could match the pain I felt when I remembered for the second time that Edward was gone…I let out a strangled half-sob, and at once there was a movement from the other side of the room.

Jasper sat up. In the moonlight I could see him clearly, all graceful lines and black eyes haunted by shadows and grief. He said nothing, simply looked at me, but I could tell from his expression that he was furious.

"Jasper," I began quietly, "I'm-"

"Don't apologize!" he snarled, and the arm of the chair he was sitting on snapped beneath his grasp. I started, and he threw it across the room so violently it tore a hole in the wall. Then he crossed to the window, turning his back to me, and spoke.

"Bella, you are so _selfish_," he hissed the last word, his back still to me. I could not move, but merely lay there, silent, the sheet clutched tightly in my unbroken hand. He turned back to me suddenly, and I saw that his eyes were blazing with anger. He misinterpreted my posture as fear, and backed away, but his jaw only clenched tighter.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he promised me, but the statement had a mocking sound to it. "No matter how much you want me to. Tell me, Bella, did you ever stop to think about how that would effect _me_, if I lost control and killed you? No, of course you didn't. You only considered yourself, your own suffering. Well, let me tell you something-" he was almost screaming now "you are not the only one suffering. Do you understand? DO YOU?!"

I saw the hard line of his jaw, the effort in cost him to stay in control, the pain in his eyes as he described his suffering – slowly, I nodded.

"Good," Jasper spat at me. "Now go back to sleep. I can't stand to look at you anymore." And with that last, hurled insult he stepped out onto the balcony. I cried to myself quietly until my eyes dried up and the tears stopped sliding down my swollen, bruised cheeks, and then, at last, I slept.

**A/N: Sorry for the semi-slow update, this week has been insane. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and as always I'd love to hear your thoughts. **


	4. Fragment

**Bella's POV**

The next morning, I found that the numbness that I had come to know intimately over the past year had descended over me once again. Jasper had left fresh clothes for me on the bed, and I changed into them in a daze, wincing every time something solid connected with my broken wrist. I was just slipping on my shoes when he appeared at the door, his expression inscrutable.

"Ready?" he asked, his voice even colder and more remote than those dark eyes, framed by shadows.

I nodded, mute, and followed him down to the waiting car. I tripped several times on the way down the stairs, my feet even more unwilling to obey my mind than usual. The third time I slipped, Jasper caught hold of me before I hit the floor. With an exasperated sigh, he lifted me up into his arms.

"What…what're you doing?" I was shocked at how weak my voice sounded.

"Taking you to the car," he said shortly. "I'd prefer you get there on your own power, believe me, but since that seems to be impossible for you…" he sneered the last few words, his face dark with disdain, and I shut my eyes to block out the world.

What followed was surely the most surreal day of my life. I spent half of it asleep, and half of it stumbling around after Jasper in my self-induced stupor. The clearest memory I have of that trip is of watching the sun rise over the Atlantic ocean. I opened my eyes to find myself staring out an airplane window. Confused, I looked around for Jasper, and found him watching me, an expression of unmistakable tenderness carved on his perfect, ancient face. As soon as he noticed that I was awake he looked away, and I fell back into an uneasy sleep.

When I awoke, I was sure that look was imagined.

**Jasper's POV**

They were waiting for us when we arrived at the airport. I had imagined they would be, but it still hurt me to see the desperate, hopeful look on Esme's face as she searched the ground, the tight look of Carlisle's jaw as he gripped her shoulders…Emmett and Rosalie were absent, for which I was grateful. This was already going to be enough of a scene as it was.

I was right. They were by our side practically the moment we stepped off the airplane, as fast as human speed would allow. The moment she saw our faces, Esme gave a heart-wrenching wail and sagged against Carlisle. His eyes searched mine frantically, and found what they needed to know.

"NO!" I stepped back a few steps in alarm at Carlisle's outburst. He staggered, leaning against a pillar for support. I was torn between wanting to go help him and staying where I was - I had never seen him lose control like this before.

Meanwhile, Bella just stood there, silent tears pouring down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry!" she burst out, and several onlookers turned to ogle her, this thin, exhausted, bandaged girl, hysterical in the middle of a terminal. "I'm so sorry…it's all my fault…"

Esme, opened her arms, and Bella ran into them. The two women stood there crying, Bella's tears soaking the front of Esme's blouse while Esme whimpered dryly. I set down the bags and went to help Carlisle to his feet, sending waves of calm emanating towards him. I couldn't tell if I was helping or hurting him, or even if I was having any effect on him at all. A shade had been drawn over his eyes, and as we moved towards the women I heard him whisper the same words, again and again.

"My son…Edward…my son."

**Bella's POV**

I lay completely silent in my bed, immobilized by grief and painkillers. Scattered images made their way lazily though my mind, torturing me with their intensity. I remembered Carlisle's face when he found out…Jasper's haunted eyes…Esme's scream…and all of this, all this pain, it was my fault. Even if I hadn't wanted to die, I hardly deserved to live. The only thing that kept me from downing the entire bottle of painkillers in one go was the thought of Charlie.

By the time I got back to Forks, he was absolutely frantic, and had notified every police officer within a 50-mile radius to keep a lookout for me. When I finally arrived home, his panic at my injuries was surpassed only by his relief at the fact that I was alive. Carlisle and Esme were in no condition to take me home, so Jasper drove me. I'd never forgot Charlie's face when we pulled up to the house…

"Bella! Bella! Oh my God, WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Come here, come inside - WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?" he bellowed at Jasper.

"Nothing serious, I assure you," Jasper responded silkily. "Now, if you'll excuse me…"

I heard the engine start, and my bag was tossed out onto the ground after me. I heard Charlie's roar of rage, but Jasper had already slammed the door shut and pulled away. Charlie turned, furious and frightened, back to me.

"What's going on here, Bella? Where have you been? Why are you hurt?" he struggled to keep his voice soft, but I could see the anger in his eyes as the flickered to my bandaged arms.

At that point, I lost it completely. Sagging against him, I began to cry with a fierceness I didn't know I was capable of. I was dimly aware of Charlie carrying me into the house and setting me down on the couch, but that was all secondary. The only thing I could really focus on was the pain - it felt like I was being torn apart. Not knowing what else to do, Charlie hugged me to him, and I gripped his shoulders tightly, still sobbing. When at last my tears had quieted enough for him to speak and be heard, he asked again what had happened. With a strength I didn't know I possessed, I lifted my head to look up at him.

"There was…an accident. They're…they're dead, Dad."

I could feel his worried hands on my hair as he asked, "Who? Who's dead? What happened, sweetheart?"

"Alice and…Alice and…and Edward. They're gone."

**A/N: Whew, that was intense! It'll get less depressing, I swear. Just give them some time. Also, a big thank you to everyone who reviewed - please, keep it up! **


	5. Blue

**Jasper's POV**

It was several weeks after our return to Forks. I lay outside in the sweet-smelling grass, watching the bright moon make its slow pilgrimage across the sky. I hadn't been inside the room Alice and I had shared since Volterra. I didn't want to smell her perfume or see her clothes tossed casually across her bed as though she had only just stepped out. No, I would leave that happy job to Esme.

Truth be told, I wasn't sure why I was still here. I loved my family, but without Alice I had no way to communicate with them. There was no one to understand, to translate my often bizarre behavior, and relations between me and the rest of the family were strained to say the least. I'd nearly lost control and attacked Rosalie the second I saw her, which put Emmett in an extremely difficult position and left Carlisle even more of a wreck than he had been before. Esme spent all her time going through photo albums. I think she thought that by planning an elaborate funeral she would make what had happened to Edward and Alice less horrific.

To be honest, it pissed me off. Nothing could ever make it better, and I wished everyone would just accept that and give up, as Carlisle had. He had scaled back his hours at the hospital until they were almost nonexistent, and spent most of his time in his study staring blankly at his wall of books. Once, I saw him praying.

A breeze swept through the clearing suddenly, carrying with it the sweet scent of lavender. Inexplicably, I thought of Bella. It was startling to remember that she was going through the same thing I was, that even now she might be lying awake, thinking of how the only person she'd ever loved was now lost to her forever…I jumped to my feet. If my heart could have beat, it would have been racing. I decided that I had to go see her, immediately. It was foolish of me to have waited this long, hadn't the girl been suicidal when I'd last seen her? Like it or not, she was my responsibility now…and I'd neglected that responsibility horribly.

With that thought in mind, I set off toward Charlie's house, hoping against hope that I wouldn't find an empty room. My relief when I arrived to find her sleeping peacefully was surprising. I hadn't honestly realized I cared that much. But now, looking at her, tangled up in the sheets with her face resting on her unbroken arm, her hair splayed out across her pillow…I felt a strange lightening in my chest, as though some unknown tension had been released, and I settled into the windowsill to study her. I was struck by the gentle way the moonlight caressed her white skin, throwing her cheekbones into sharp relief…I heard her whimper in her sleep, saw the tears glisten on her cheeks, and I knew that she too was hurting.

**Bella's POV **

I'd hoped to awake on the morning of the funeral to find myself enveloped by the familiar, comforting numbness, but didn't I know enough by now to recognize that I would have no such luck? Instead, I found myself overcome with an emotion somewhat similar to the feeling I felt when I rode my motorcycle, only a thousand times more lonely. Emboldened by this strange recklessness, I put away the plain black frock I had been planning to wear and reached into the recesses of my closet for a sapphire dress Alice had insisted I buy the last time we went shopping together.

"But, Alice!" I had protested upon seeing the price tag. "It's so expensive, and when will I ever wear it?"

"How many times did I tell you not to worry about the money, Bella," Alice reminded me, exasperated. "And besides, I know you are going to want to wear this dress sometime in the future. I can see you reaching into your closet…"

My hands shook and tears slipped down my cheeks as I pulled the gown over my head, recognizing Alice's vision for the first time as being more than just a playful jab to get me to buy something I didn't want, or need. She had seen me wearing this dress, but not the circumstances. How could she, when the future had been so blurred by the choices I would make, and Edward…I swallowed hard and considered myself in the mirror, fighting back tears as best I could.

I was not a pretty sight. I'd gotten so thin that I no longer filled out the dress even remotely, and it had been small to begin with. The hollows under my eyes looked carved into my face, and my hair was lank and flat, reflecting my lack of appetite. I thought of what Alice would say if she saw me looking like such a mess, and I dug my fingernails into my palm, determined to look presentable for her memory's sake.

20 minutes later I stumbled out of the bathroom, looking marginally less a ghost. I'd used half my concealer trying to cover up the shadows under my eyes. While they were no longer visible to the human eye, I was sure they would be easily spotted by the vampiric. I'd brushed on a little mascara and blush before pulling my hair up and curling the ends, and I thought I'd done a pretty good impression of a human being.

It wasn't until several hours later that I would realize how very wrong I was.

**A/N: Yes, it's a cliffhanger. No, I don't have a death wish, so please don't hurt me…and review! Yes. Please?**


	6. Angel

**Bella's POV**

The funeral itself was shorter than I'd expected, never having attended one before. To be honest, I was too out of it to pay much attention to details. I only remember pieces, snatches of memory.

I know there was a minister, but the eulogy is a blank in my mind. I remember Rosalie, resplendent in black taffeta, her slender white hands stark against the surface of the black piano, and Carlisle's face, twisted with pain. I know I spoke to Esme, but I couldn't tell you what was said. In fact, the thing that stood out most clearly was Jasper's conspicuous absence.

It didn't dawn on me that he was missing until halfway through the service. It bothered me, although I wasn't sure why. I wasn't eager for another confrontation. But at the same time, I did want to apologize to him. I couldn't thank him for refusing to take my life, because I wasn't grateful for that. But I could at least say sorry. I owed him that much.

He didn't show, however, and a nagging feeling persisted in my stomach, another ache to complement, but never challenge, the hole that had been rent in my chest.

**Jasper's POV**

In the end, I couldn't bring myself to go the funeral. I couldn't stand to sit there complacently while some preacher eulogized _my _Alice. When Esme asked, I told her I was afraid I would hurt someone (not entirely false, I was still waiting to get my hands on Rosalie) and she didn't argue.

After they were gone, I stood, unsure, at the door of our room. I was sure that I would have been shaking were my body still capable of such a reaction. I turned the doorknob with trepidation, and was immediately hit with the scent of vanilla. I staggered against the doorframe with a groan, my eyes drifting shut.

_Pull yourself together, Jasper, _I chastised myself sternly. _15 minutes. That's all you get. 15 minutes. _

Bracing myself, I inhaled. It wasn't quite as strong this time. I wasn't sure whether I was relieved or upset by this face. Gathering my courage, I opened my eyes and headed straight for the closet. Alice hid all our cash under the floorboards. When I pointed out how unoriginal this was, she simply smiled.

"Who would want to steal from us, Jasper?" she asked me sweetly, the light from the window framing her face. I could think of no one, and was about to say so when she noticed me staring. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just the light. You look like – never mind."

Her smile grew wider. "You've got your sheepish face on. What is it?"

There was no good denying it no; she'd get it out of me eventually anyway. "Like an angel," I replied softly.

She moved closer, and the sun could no longer caress her face, but I was glad, because it was my turn. She wound her arms around my neck and I pulled her close to me, letting one finger trace her spine.

"Oops," she whispered. "Guess I ruined it."

"Not at all," I countered, and leaned down to capture her lips with my own.

**Bella's POV**

I wandered through the assembled guests, trying to study them, but their faces were blurred. It was colder than predicted today, and I could feel myself shivering. I made my way to the edge of the reception and settled into a chair next to Carlisle. He looked awful. His eyes were the darkest I had yet seen them and the shadows beneath them were nearly as impressive as mine. His shoulders were hunched and his face was cast downward in absolute misery. We sat side by side for a few moments, and then he broke the silence.

"How are you doing, Bella?" he asked, and there was a hint of concern in his voice despite the lifelessness in his eyes. I didn't know how to answer, and before I could, he cut me off.

"I'm sorry. That was rather careless of me, wasn't it? I wasn't referring to your mental state. What I meant was, how's the arm?"

"Oh…fine."

His black eyes saw through me better than an x-ray ever could. Suddenly, he leaned forward, grasping my unbroken wrist.

"You will survive this, Bella. I know you don't believe it, but I do. Because you know that he wanted you to be happy, and in the end, you won't want to let him down."

My mouth hung open. The faintest of smiles touched Carlisle's face before he stood and walked away, but his sad eyes still haunted me, and I felt I had seen the ghost of the old man he would have become.

**Jasper's POV**

I left the house exactly ten minutes later with nothing but the clothes on my back, a few hundreds tucked in my pocket. It wouldn't get me far, but then, I didn't need far. The ground was just as comfortable as any hotel room money could buy. All I needed was the occasional outfit change, and even that was relative.

I had to admit it felt good to be free. I thought about that as I took off running. This way, I could grieve for Alice on my own terms, and I didn't think anyone would miss me unduly. They might be upset for a day or two, but after that they'd realize I'd always been nothing but a hindrance to them anyway, and move on with their lives.

This was what I comforted myself with as I ran north, thinking of visiting the Denali clan. Any thoughts of this were soon driven out of my head, however, as I picked up the scent of another vampire, a female, foreign, yet somehow familiar-

Victoria.

**A/N: I just love cliffhangers, don't you? And yes, I realize there was no Jasper/Bella in this chapter. But there will be, soon! I promise. **


	7. Unrest

**Jasper's POV**

I did not change course immediately, but rather stood there silently, weighing my options. I was certain that Victoria would not be stupid enough to attempt to attack my family, nor did she have any reason to. I had it on good authority that her grudge was with Bella and Bella alone. If I left now, Carlisle, Emmett, Esme and Rosalie would be no less safe than if I remained in Forks. I was certain of that. I believed the werewolves to be capable of protecting Bella, and even they weren't, it wasn't my concern. If I stayed behind to guard her, it would accomplish nothing but dooming myself to any existence as her babysitter.

So why did my plan to leave Forks feel so utterly wrong?

**Bella's POV**

I knew something was wrong even before I saw Jake's car in the driveway. Anticipation hung in the air like humidity before a thunderstorm. It surprised me that I was even capable of feeling nervous. Ever since Volterra, most of my emotions broke over me slowly, like waves on the calmest of days. The ones that didn't were Tsunamis, towering mountains of water that destroyed my inner landscape, leaving only devastation behind. I didn't know what to feel anymore, let alone what to do about the crazed vampire intent on murdering me in revenge.

Jake was at my truck's door the moment I'd opened it, his face grim. "Are you all right?" he asked. There was no emotion in his voice as he questioned me, and the lack of intonation was mirrored in my own.

"What's it to you?" Jake looked down at me suddenly, noticing the lifeless tone of my voice, my pathetic attempt to pass for a regular person.

"Jesus, Bella," he sighed, "I thought you were getting _better."_

I felt tears prick my eyes unexpectedly. "How am I supposed to get better, Jake? How are you supposed to recover when your only reason for living is gone?"

His eyes were angry now, cold and hard and black. Though he towered over me, I could find no reason to be afraid. Edward used to say I had no sense of self-preservation. It was only now, when I was truly bereft of any desire to live, that I finally understood how wrong he'd been…

"Your only reason?" he demanded.

I could only nod. Jake stepped away from me at that, swore loudly.

"What the hell was I, Bella? A fucking distraction? Something to keep you occupied until your _bloodsucker_ came home? Well guess what, Bella, he's not coming home. He's dead." I flinched, and Jake leaned toward me so that his face was only inches from my own, his coal black eyes boring into my own.

"Yeah, that's right, I said it. And I'm not sorry. I'm sick of having to tiptoe around you all the time, to pretend like you're not completely 100% crazy for still being in love with him after he left you so easily. Don't you get it, Bella? He never wanted you."

Tears were streaming down my face now, but I found that I could not budge from my current position, staring into the eyes of this cruel stranger who was attempting to break my already shattered heart. For an insane instant, I thought he was going to kiss me.

Then he made a disgusted sound and took a step backward. I blinked.

"Look at you," he said, and it was not a compliment. "Of course he didn't want you. How could anyone ever want you?"

I bowed my head in shame and compliance. I could sense Jake begin to walk away, but I could not bear to see him go. Suddenly, however, the footsteps halted. Jake turned.

"Oh, by the way, Victoria's back," he told me nastily, spitting out the words as if each one had done him a great personal injury. "Good luck staying alive without the pack to protect you."

His footsteps resumed once more, and I sank against the car in defeat, the ruins of the mascara I'd brushed on for Alice carving rivers down my cheeks.

**Jasper's POV**

In the end, it was just too good an opportunity to pass up. What can I say, I'm a perfectionist. I despise loose ends, and the Victoria problem certainly qualified. With this in mind, I set off after the feline vampire, unable to resist the allure of a good fight.

She was hunting when I found her, draining a deer dry before tossing it aside as casually as a child might a rag doll. She straightened, her eyes a restless orange from the unfamiliar form of sustenance she seemed to have come to rely on, and that was when she caught sight of me. Her expression flickered back and forth between curiosity and hostility, but I didn't give her time to make her own choice between the two. Instead, I sent waves of calm emanating towards her and leaped straight for her throat.

She attempted to duck, but in her lethargic state it simply wasn't enough. I'd separated her head from her body before she had time to do more than snarl. Her limbs followed shortly thereafter, and while they put up more of a fight, it was nothing that could challenge my years of experience. Within the hour, Victoria was dead.

I strode away from the clearing triumphant, the last embers of the fire crumbling into the fast encroaching night, but I felt no sense of release. Instead, I experienced the same form of unrest I had felt before I killed Victoria - like there was something I'd forgotten, some obligation I'd neglected to fulfill.

I didn't pay attention to where my feet were taking me, and was therefore surprised several minutes later to find myself standing directly under Bella's window.

**A/N: OH MY GOD, ANGST! No, Jake will not apologize, in case you're wondering. He's really serious. Yes, I realize that was mean and perhaps slightly out of character, but I had no choice. I love Jacob just as much as the next twerd, but having him around just complicates things. Anyway, let me know what you think of this chapter, I'm dying to read your reviews! **


	8. Friction

**Bella's POV**

After Jake left, I stumbled up to my room in a daze, not paying much attention to where my feet were taking me. I fell onto my bed face first and ripped my hair free from it's clip, screaming in pain and anger as several of the strands parted ways with my scalp. I rolled over and kicked my shoes off, staring at the ceiling in an effort to keep the tears from brimming over. It was no use; they spilled out anyway. I fell asleep sprawled out across my bed fully dressed, a dried out husk of the girl I used to be.

**Jasper's POV **

I paused before peering into Bella's window. I didn't want to intrude upon her privacy, but I wanted, no, _needed, _to talk to her. I needed some sort of confirmation that there was someone in this awful situation who I hadn't let down completely. Alice, Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, even Rosalie - I'd failed them all so terribly. Bella was my last, my only chance.

With this in mind, I knocked.

**Bella's POV**

I heard the tapping on the window and recognized it as the gentle brush of the tree branch on the glass. Upon realizing this, I settled back into my pillows. I wasn't ready to be woken up just yet. In fact, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to return to reality.

The tapping came again. I groaned and buried my face deeper into the soft cotton. That was when I heard the voice.

"Bella," came the whisper, velvety smooth, and I sat bolt upright in my bed, my heart threatening to jump out of my chest.

Jasper was perched precariously on my windowsill, his face anxious. I froze, my mind not equipped to handle this situation. Jasper had made it pretty clear the last time he saw me that he has no desire to ever repeat the experience. I could not think of a single reason for his presence here.

**Jasper's POV**

She sat up suddenly as soon as I uttered her name. I felt a small twinge of regret - I hadn't meant to startle her. Her long dark hair was all mussed from her pillow and the yellow light softened her features, so that the dark shadows under her eyes were less noticeable. I could still see them, of course, if I focused, but I found myself distracted by the way her silky dress hugged her slender hips, the curling of her toes when she shrank back in alarm. Shaking myself out of this unlikely trance, I wrenched my gaze away from her, staring instead into a dark recess of the room until she spoke. When she did, her voice trembled.

"Jasper? Wha…why are you here?"

I ignored the question, deciding to answer another, unspoken one that hung in the air between us, creating a palpable friction.

"Can I come in?"

**A/N: Wow, so short! Yes, I realize you may want to kill me right now, but as you may have guessed, the next chapter is going to be pretty pivotal. It will be told from a single perspective and I can personally guarantee that it will be a least 2,000 words. So now, the real test…will you still review?**


	9. Hush

**Bella's POV**

"Can I come in?" Jasper asked, the picture of politeness.

"Of course," I responded without thinking, and crossed the room to open the window for him. As I did so a gust of sweet spring air assaulted my senses, as well as the light hushed sound of the rain. I inhaled deeply without thinking, and Jasper shot me an odd look as he climbed down from the sill.

"Sorry," I blushed. "It just smells really good outside…"

He paused where he stood, one of his hands in his back pocket, and I couldn't help but notice the way his t-shirt clung to his sculpted chest, the way his messy blond hair caught the light…shaking my head to clear it, I focused instead on his golden eyes, now filled with inextricable sorrow.

"Alice used to say the same thing," he said, and the pain it cost him to use her name was evident in his voice. "She once told me the scent of rain was one of the few things she remembered from her human life…"

I don't know what came over me, but at that moment my limbs ached to wrap around Jasper's sturdy frame. I knew he needed support just as much or more than I did, but he had no one to turn to and was afraid of looking weak. He looked up at me then, sensing the strange emotion I was experiencing, and I flushed. Walking to the bed, I sat down and crossed my arms so I wouldn't be tempted to do anything rash. Unfortunately, my mouth then took its turn embarrassing me.

"So, what're you doing here? I sort of got the impression when you dropped me off here that you hated me, not that I don't totally deserve it, I feel so terrible about what happened and I never got to apol-"

"Victoria's dead," he interrupted, his eyes boring into mine.

I gasped. "What...how…_who," _I managed.

He just stared at me.

"You?"

"Surprised?"

To be honest, I was shocked, not that he'd killed her, but that he would go to that much trouble for me…I really didn't think it mattered to him whether I lived or died. But then, I was probably reading too much into it. He just wanted to keep his family safe.

He saw the expression on my face, laughed a brittle, mirthless laugh. "God, Bella, do you really think so little of me? Why would I go to all the trouble of bringing you back to this godforsaken town just to let her have you in the end?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't. I was more than a little afraid of this new, hostile Jasper, who did things I didn't expect and saved me when I didn't ask to be saved. And then, a new feeling came over me, one that it took me a moment to recognize, since I didn't expect to ever feel it again.

Relief washed over me. I may have wanted to die a few weeks ago, and I might consider suicide still if not for Charlie, but I had no desire to face what Victoria had had planned for me. Jasper had saved me from a drawn-out, painful end, and for that, I was grateful.

"Thank you." The words poured out of me before I could stop them, and Jasper seemed surprised at the sincerity in my voice. He laughed again, and I frowned at his dismissal of my gratitude. "I'm serious," I insisted.

"This from the girl who wanted to die only a few weeks ago," he reminded me darkly, looking skeptical.

I was proud of the way my voice did not tremble when I answered. I paused before doing so, trying to get the words to match the sentiment I now truly felt.

"That was then. This is now. What I tried to force you to do…it was despicable, Jasper. I'm so sorry." My eyes were locked on his now, and to my surprise he did not tear his gaze away as I continued, "I never should have asked that of you. Even if it was what I wanted at the time, it still didn't make it right. You were dealing with the same thing I was and you didn't ask me to set you on fire," I pointed out. His expression was unreadable, and I rushed on, determined that he should hear me out. "Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm glad I'm not dead. So thanks. Again." I bowed my head in shame at my awkward bumbling little speech, and the image of Edward trying to hold back his laughter at my embarrassment burst into my mind, unbidden. I choked back a sob and forced myself back to the present, where Jasper was still studying me as intently as though I were a puzzle he was desperate to solve. After a moment of deep scrutiny, he flopped down into my desk chair with a groan, burying his face in his hands. I waited, and after a moment he raised his head to regard me once more.

"I don't get you, Bella, Swan," he stated, running his hand through his flaxen hair in frustration. "First you want me to kill you, now you're thanking me for saving your life…can you just pick a personality and stick with it?"

For some reason, his question struck me as patently hilarious, and I doubled over laughing. This was Jasper's cue to stare at me like I really was crazy, but unfortunately the perplexed look on his face only spurred me to laugh harder. When I finally wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes, clutching my sore stomach, his expression went from confused to annoyed.

"Are you done?" he asked shortly, the fury returning to his features.

I took a deep breath and exhaled while counting backwards from ten. When I was calm once more, I nodded. Jasper still looked dubious, so I added a quiet, "Yes." He sighed then, and all the anger left his pose. He seemed to have accepted that this night couldn't any stranger and was now determined to just go along with it. He even looked slightly expectant, but I had no idea for what, so I just sat there in silence until he spoke.

"Well? Are you going to answer my question?"

I had trouble remembering what his question was at this point. Concentrating, I thought back to what he'd been saying before my hysteria attack and responded, "Yes."

He ran his hand through his hair again, something I was coming to recognize as an indicator of his impatience with my slow comprehension. "Is 'yes' your answer or are you saying 'yes, I plan to answer the question'?"

It was phrased differently, but the similarity to a question Edward had once asked me made my breath catch. My eyes filled with tears and I had to swallow before replying, "'Yes' was my answer…excuse me…"

I got up, meaning to race for the bathroom, but I was suddenly intercepted by a wall of Jasper. His face was a strange mixture of curiosity and concern. I stumbled at this sudden roadblock and unwittingly crashed directly into Jasper's iron chest. Startled, his quick reflexes clicked into gear and he caught me before I hit the floor.

"What's wrong?" came his smooth tenor voice from somewhere in the vicinity of my ear. I couldn't answer, could only shake my head as the tears streamed down my face. I was unprepared for the gentleness of his next move. Lifting me gingerly by the elbows, he carried me to the bed as tenderly as if I were made of porcelain. He set me down in a sitting position and then perched himself on the edge of the bed. Then, with a patience I hardly believed possible, his fingers brushed the tears from my face. One arm still around my shoulders, he allowed me to drift to sleep beside him. The last thing I remembered before I lost consciousness was the whisper-soft brush of his lips on my hair, and a murmured, "Goodnight, Bella."

**A/N: Okay, so it wasn't 2,ooo words, but it was still worth it, right? Either way, drop me a review and let me know! THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who has reviewed thus far. 67 story alerts? I'm honored, truly honored, that that many people are interested in my story, and I really hope you continue to enjoy it. Okay, enough of my jabbering. Bye!**


	10. Staying

**Jasper's POV**

I leapt down from the window lightly so as not to wake Bella, and leaned up against the eggshell blue siding, lost in thought. This afternoon, I had been positive that leaving was the right thing to do. Now, I wasn't so sure. Bella, while no longer suicidal, was barely holding it together. I'd always put a lot of faith in the idea that if you save a life, you should take responsibility for it. But where did that end? Was I supposed to follow Bella around like some kind of sick bodyguard for her entire life? I barely knew the girl! Shaking my head, I took off running for the house, determined to get some answers out of Carlisle. It was time the man emerged from his practically comatose state, anyway.

When I got home, I was shocked to see moving trucks parked in the driveway. The horizon was barely beginning to lighten, but it wasn't the earliness of the hour that caught me by surprise. It was the fact that the trucks were present at all. Were they planning to out Alice and Edward's things in storage or something? I could feel my jaw tightening, my fists clenching at the idea of Alice's things being locked away in a dark, dusty room, but I forced myself to remain calm and remember my purpose.

It didn't take much to locate Carlisle. He was in his study where he spent most of his time these days, but instead of staring blankly at the wall like I'd been expecting him to he was surrounded by half-filled boxes of books. He looked up when he saw me, and, from his cross-legged position on the floor, smiled.

"Hello, Jasper," he greeted me, his smile fading slightly when I did not return his warm hello. "I was just packing up my library, I forgot I even owned some of these - "

"Carlisle," I interrupted him, impatient, "what's going on? What's with all these moving trucks, are we going somewhere? Where are Emmett and Rose?"

He smiled again, faintly, but it didn't quite reach his eyes this time. "Gone," he replied simply, looking at me a little sadly now. "They left right after the funeral. They wanted to say goodbye but you weren't around and we all assumed you'd taken off." He raised his eyebrows a little with that, as though challenging me to deny it. I couldn't.

"I almost did," I told him truthfully. "So, I repeat, are we going somewhere?"

His response shocked me. "Esme and I are," he answered, meeting my eyes without a trace of his former helplessness. "You're welcome to come, if you like, but I will also understand if you choose to part ways with us."

I was shocked. I mean, I knew he was really torn up about the whole thing. How could he not be? Edward the son he'd never had, his first companion, the first person he'd ever saved. But I never expected him to leave. Still, when I thought about it, it made a sort of sense: Forks reminded him of everything he'd lost, and he wanted to get as far away from the tormented memories as possible. I understood where he was coming from but was apparently also a masochist because as soon as he told me about his plans, I knew my decision.

"I'm staying."

"I thought you would," he replied, and held out his hand. I shook it, and, with a knowing nod, we went our separate ways.

**Bella's POV**

I recognized the tapping on the window immediately, even though I was dozing off when I first heard it. I'd spent most of the day wondering about Jasper's visit last night, and went to bed feeling rather expectant. It looked like I wasn't about to be disappointed.

Sitting up, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and went to open the window. Sure enough, there he was, looking like some rain soaked God of war with his hair all slick and plastered down and his black eyes burning with some emotion I didn't quite recognize.

"Are…are you all right?" I asked him tentatively, not sure how he would react to my innocent question. His expression had me one edge until he blinked, and suddenly all I could see was a lost little boy without a mother, confused and utterly heartbroken.

"I'll go get you a towel," I heard myself say. _And a shirt, _I amended mentally. I knew he wasn't actually freezing in his rain-soaked clothes but I thought he might appreciate the gesture, all the same.

When I returned, laden with clothes and our best guest towel, Jasper was standing in the exact same position as the moment I'd left him, staring blankly at the carpet. I cleared my throat and he looked up, startled, as if he'd forgotten I existed at all.

"Here's a towel and some fresh clothes, if you want them," I offered awkwardly. "I didn't know how long you planned on staying."

The ghost of a smile graced his face. "I'll be here as long as you need me, Bella," he assured me, and before I could even begin to process that odd remark he had gently removed the bundle from my arms and stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door gently behind him.

I sank onto the bed, utterly bemused. One moment he was acting like he never wanted to see me again, the next he was promising to be there for me as long as I needed him? I was still shaking my head when he opened the door.

Maybe I was just projecting human attributes onto him, but he did seem much more comfortable now, with his hair toweled off and sticking up all over his head, in one of my dad's old police academy t-shirts and some androgynous sweats that had been lurking at the bottom of the hamper for months. His feet were bare, and his eyes were calmer now, more relaxed, although he still looked slightly anxious. He leaned forward, and the feeling of apprehension intensified, as if he knew what he was about to say could make or break the situation.

"Bella, I owe you an explanation," he began calmly. I started to object, to tell him that I was the indebted one, but he held up a hand for silence and I acquiesced, sensing that this was not the time to interrupt.

"I owe you an explanation," he repeated, and his black eyes boring holes into my skull, "in Volterra, when I found that-" he struggled to keep his composure as he continued, "that murderer about to finish you off - Well, it took everything I had to stop with just him." His onyx eyes were pleading now, his voice entreating me to understand. "I wanted to kill them all, and I would have - I would have died trying, if not for you."

Time seemed to freeze as I tried and failed to comprehend this information. I had no idea what he meant, and my exhausted brain was in no condition to attempt to figure it out, so I simply waited. For the first time since he'd begun speaking, he wrenched his dark eyes away from mine and stared at the wall instead as he continued, his voice so soft I had to struggle to hear it as he continued.

"I saw you lying there, all bleeding and broken, and I knew that I couldn't save you and fight them, too. I thought about Edward, and…Alice…and I knew that they would want me to save you. So I did."

He was silent for a moment, and I thought maybe he was finished, but then he turned his face back to me. The raw pain in his eyes made me gasp out loud even as I could feel the tears threatening to blur my vision at the mention of Edward…I fought not to break down as he stared straight back at me, fearless.

"If not for you, I'd nothing but ashes now, Bella," Jasper admitted quietly, his expression still fierce. "You saved my life…I won't let you throw away yours."

I knew that he'd come to the end of what he needed to say, and I wanted very much to speak, to tell him how grateful he was for his consideration, his compassion, but I couldn't. The tears poured silently down my face, and he watched me carefully, his face reflecting equal torment. I did the only thing I could to express my gratitude, the stupid thing that would most likely end in disaster: sliding off the bed, I padded softly across the room and threw my arms around his neck.

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait, I had major writers block. Hope this rather lengthy piece of fluffy angst makes up for it, even if Jasper was a bit OOC in this chapter. He doesn't really have a well-developed character in the first place anyway, though. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, and remember to review!**


	11. Focus

**Jasper's POV**

At first, I stiffened in response to Bella's impulsive display. After a moment, however, I relaxed slightly, and even raised one arm to pat her awkwardly on the back. She smelled delicious, like lavender with a hint of something spicier underneath, jasmine, maybe. For the first time since I entered the room, I became aware of the blood pulsing just underneath her creamy, translucent skin, in tune with the rhythm of her heart pounding against my silent chest…that, coupled with the salty-sweet aroma of her tears and the musky scent of her hair…it was all too much. Pushing her aside as gently as I was able, I crossed to the window and, without a backward glance, stepped out into the chill spring rain.

**Bella's POV**

After Jasper left, I collapsed sobbing onto the bed, feeling broken and empty and ashamed. I couldn't believe I'd done something so phenomenally stupid. I knew how careful I had to be around Jasper. Hadn't I tried to exploit that very same fact, back in Italy? I felt anger surge through me as the tears fell faster, anger at myself, at the world for being so cruel, irrational anger at Jasper for leaving when I needed him so, and Jacob for hurting me simply because he could…I wanted to scream, to pull my hair out by the roots, but I was afraid of waking Charlie.

And then, suddenly, I was sick of it all. Sick of myself and my pathetic reactions, my crying and my feeble body. Wiping the tears away fiercely with the back of my hand, I stumbled into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. Looking at myself in the mirror, I saw a little girl trapped in a grown up world, small and fragile and weak. I didn't want to rely on others to be my support any more. I wanted to be strong.

Seething with self-hatred, I seized Charlie's clippers. It didn't take long to adjust to the buzzing sound they made as my hair fell like silky curtains to the floor.

_________________

When I awoke a few hours later, the sky was gray with pre-dawn light. I lay curled up in my bed, one hand cradling my shorn head, with no clear recollection of how I'd gotten there. The image of my hair lying on the tile floor was seared into my memory like the image of the sun in my retinas when I regarded it too long, but as to whether I'd bothered to sweep it up, I had no idea. I cringed when I thought of Charlie's probable reaction to this discovery. He would no doubt think I'd lost my mind completely, and though I was not altogether sure I hadn't, I planned on feigning normalcy for as long as my subconscious would allow.

With this in mind, I crept into the bathroom and, after ascertaining that I had in fact remembered to dispose of the evidence of my apparent breakdown, I turned the hot water on full blast and stood directly under it's scalding spray until my skin turned pink and it ceased to feel comforting. Then I wrapped myself in a soft white towel and stood in front of the mirror to examine the damage.

Put simply, I looked like a refugee. I'd become so thin that my limbs were six times too big for my body and I could count each one of my ribs and vertebrae. My collarbones jutted out above the wasteland that used to be my chest, and my face was nothing short of gaunt. The shadows beneath my eyes looked as though they'd been etched onto my skin, and my once lively brown eyes, which I'd always considered my best feature, were hollow and dull. My hair, which was now no more than a centimeter long all over, completed the look. I ran my hand over the bristles again and sighed. Charlie was not going to be happy.

**Jasper's POV**

I tore through the forest in a frenzy, furious at myself for my reaction to Bella's gratitude. So what if she hadn't been thinking? Who did I think I was, promising to be there for her unconditionally and then fleeing at the first sign of emotion? The strange, deep ache I felt in my chest when I pictured her crying alone forced me to abandon the game I was pursuing and lean up against a tree for support, one hand clutching my chest. I hadn't felt physical pain in years, and never had I felt anything like this…it had to be all in my head. That was the only reasonable explanation. I refused to believe that my invincible vampire body would give out on me now after everything I'd put it through in the early days.

The realization that the pain I felt was purely psychological forced me to face something I previously hadn't wanted to consider: I cared about Bella. The girl who had once been the love of my brother's life had, through some unfathomable twist of fate, become the focus of mine.

**Bella's POV**

I dressed for school with more care than usual, picking out a soft, plush white sweater that disguised my bony frame and dark skinny jeans that were neither boring nor flashy. Shoving pearl studs through my earlobes, I resisted the urge to throw a beanie over my shaved head. It was better to get the questions out of the way upfront, I thought as I jogged downstairs, forcing myself to stop in the kitchen to grab a bagel and a glass of orange juice. Downing most of the tart drink in one swallow, I filled my thermos with tea instead. Snagging my car keys and coat from the row of hooks beside the door, I thanked any god who was listening for the lack of a confrontation with the still-sleeping Charlie and stepped out of the doorway into the driving rain.

I had almost reached the school when it happened. There was a flash of tan fur, taut muscles clenched tight. I swore and slammed on the brakes, wrenching the steering wheel sideways, but it was too late. I could only watch helplessly as the truck careened forward, the deer's large frightened eyes seemingly fixed on my own. There was a screech, a hideous thud, and then a second impact, more solid than the last. The truck's front end crumpled against it and came to a grinding halt. I was thrown forward in my seat, the shoulder belt the only restraint that stood between me and the windshield. I was suddenly aware of a blinding pain in my leg, and looked down to see that a jagged piece of metal had been thrust into my thigh.

"Bella!" I heard an anguished voice cry. It was the voice of my angel, my soul, my entire reason for living. I smiled as the encroaching darkness obscured my vision, my eyes drifting shut as Edward's sweet lullaby beckoned me home.

**A/N: I'm evil, I know. Sorry. I'll try and post the next chapter tomorrow so you won't be in suspense for too long.**

**Also, effective immediately, the name of this story will be changing to "Redemption." Sorry if this creates a problem for anyone, but it just fits better with the direction I want it to go. Thanks!**


	12. Misery

**Jasper's POV**

I saw it happen in minute detail. I was in hot pursuit of a young doe, my mind still focused on Bella, when I heard the screech of tires. Distracted, I looked up to see a red truck bearing down on the deer. The driver slammed on the brakes and swerved. I froze, unsure whether I should attempt to intervene, and then I was hit with a familiar scent.

Lavender. Bella was driving the car! I leaped into the road, not thinking, just reacting, but I was too late. The doe had already crumpled against the engine, and the truck was about to spin out of control. Still acting on pure instinct, I braced myself and threw my arms out wide, absorbing the impact of the crash. The front end of the car folded into my iron body, screaming as it went, and finally came to a grinding halt.

The engine was demolished and I could still hear the cries of the doe from the side of the road, but I had eyes only for Bella. She'd been wearing her seatbelt, thank God, but it didn't seem to have done her much good. The scent of her blood hung in the air, and her eyes were already distant. I yelled her name and she smiled, but I didn't get the impression that she was really aware of my presence. Moving to the side of the truck, I opened the door and stumbled back, horrified, at what I saw.

A piece of debris had embedded itself deep in Bella's thigh, slicing straight through her jeans and into her flesh. Crimson blood was already spilling everywhere, and when I looked closer I caught a glimpse of white bone. She was still breathing, but she wouldn't be for long if she lost any more blood. I needed to get her to a hospital, _now. _

As one part of my mind was running this detached medical survey, another part was very preoccupied with the intoxicating scent of Bella's blood. It took everything I had not to drain her right then, but one look at her face stopped me in my tracks. Her hair was gone, reduced to a slight fine down that covered her entire scalp. Her eyes were closed, and I noticed then that she had the longest, darkest eyelashes that I'd ever seen on a human being. Her lips were parted, still slack from the ghost of that strange smile, and she looked so innocent and perfect that I knew I couldn't hurt her for the world.

The sound of the doe's dying cry pierced my thoughts, startling me out of my trance. Working quickly, I extricated the piece of metal from Bella's leg and quickly fashioned a tourniquet out of my shirt. Holding my breath, I lifted Bella from the cab as gently as I was able and gasped. She was impossibly light in my arms, even more so than when I'd carried her out of that hotel room in Italy, and if I'd had to guess I would have wagered she'd lost twenty pounds since then. My mouth set in a grim line, I forced myself not to focus on this and took off running, cradling her tight to my chest.

It took only moments to reach the hospital with me running full-out, but even as I reached the emergency room door I still feared for Bella's life. Her heartbeat had slowed dangerously and her jeans were soaked in blood despite my makeshift bandage. I must have been a strange sight, charging into the emergency ward shirtless with an unconscious girl in my arms, but I didn't care. I roared for help and had it immediately, in the form of nurses swarming around, prying Bella from my arms and loading her onto a gurney, wheeling her away from me.

I watched anxiously and collapsed in a chair as soon as she was out of sight, running my hand though my hair and wishing Carlisle still worked here. I had no faith in these humans, with their infernally slow reactions and thought processes…as the hours ticked by I sat and waited, refusing all offers of food or comfort. I did accept a spare shirt from one of the nurses, barely bothering to look at the logo before slipping it over my head. In a different situation I might have laughed, but with Bella's life hanging in the balance the legend "Morrissey World Tour" did little to amuse me.

At long last, a nurse emerged from behind the double doors and made a beeline for the corner where I was sitting. I jumped to my feet immediately and met her halfway across the room, being careful to stick to human speed as I did so.

"How is she?" I asked before the nurse could utter a word.

The nurse, a pretty young woman with light brown hair and large green eyes, smiled knowingly and hastened to answer, "She's doing just fine, still unconscious but that's normal after a trauma like she suffered. Her leg is broken in a couple places; Doctor McCall is setting it right now. I'm Lily by the way, and you are…?"

"Jasper," I answered, and then, with the part of my brain that wasn't busy doing cartwheels from relief: "Have you been able to get in touch with her father?"

She smiled again. "Yep, I believe Nurse Allison got ahold of him just a few minutes ago. He was quite frantic when he heard the news, but Allie managed to calm him down and he assured us he was on his way, so that's all taken care of! I'm sure he'll be wanting to thank you for bring his daughter in, how do you know her again?"

Despite my doubts about whether I should still be around when Charlie got here, and wondering when I would be allowed to see Bella, the question caught me off guard. What was Bella to me, really? My dead brother's ex-girlfriend? An inconsequential human girl whose life I felt responsible for? Or was she something…more? I thought of how I'd felt when I realized how my abrupt departure must have hurt her, my determination to keep her safe, my near complete disregard of the scent of her blood, and had come to no definite conclusion when a shout interrupted my musings:

"You! What have you done with my daughter?!"

I looked around to see Charlie striding towards me, out of breath and still wearing his uniform. Lily attempted to dispel the tension by smiling graciously at Charlie.

"You must be Chief Swan," she assumed pleasantly, and then, when she saw just how irate he was, quickly dropped the smile and got down to business. "Your daughter is doing very well; she should be out of the OR in about twenty minutes."

"The OR? What's Bella doing in the operating room?" Charlie bellowed, and then his gaze fell on me. I did my best to keep my face smooth and unaffected, but this only seemed to anger him further.

"You put her there!" he accused, and I was unable to keep a shadow of guilt from flickering across my face. It _was _my fault that Bella was in the hospital. If only I'd moved just a little bit faster...

I was shaken out of my reverie by the scandalized expression on Lily's face. She opened her mouth, no doubt about to defend what she perceived as heroism, but I interceded before she could begin.

"Thank you so much for all your help, Lily," I told her smoothly, turning on the charm. "We'll let you know if we have any questions, okay?" I flashed her a broad grin, but she still looked like she might protest, so I threw in a wink for good measure. Catching on, she smiled shyly back.

"You're very welcome, Jasper," she told me sweetly, and I could tell she really meant it and wasn't trying to flirt. "My shift ends in ten minutes but I'll leave my number with the receptionist just in case, all right?"

"Sounds great," I replied, trying to keep the strain out of my voice as Charlie shot me a death glare from under the brim of his hat. Lily smiled again and walked away, and Charlie started in on me as soon as she was out of earshot.

"I wanna know what the hell is wrong with Bella and what you had to do with it," he growled at me in a way that might have been intimidating if I'd been the 18 year-old boy that I appeared to be. As it was, his grating voice accomplished nothing other than giving me a headache, which I tried not to show as I attempted to answer his question.

"There was an accident. I happened to be in the right place at the right time and I drove her to the hospital." It had taken me about sixteen tries to get that piece of scrap metal running when I returned to the scene. The only thing that kept me from chucking it into the wilderness was the possibility of awkward questions like this one, and I was glad I'd taken the time to figure out my story while I was waiting for news about Bella.

"An accident?!" Charlie yelled, his voice still grating on my ears. "What kind of accident? How bad is she hurt? When can I see her?"

"As far as I can tell, Bella swerved to avoid a deer, lost control of the car, and crashed. Her leg is broken and she lost a lot of blood, but she's gonna be okay. As for when you can see her, I'm wondering the same thing myself," I answered each of his questions quite patiently for a guy who'd just been accused of deliberately trying to hurt Bella. Charlie looked at me for a long moment before grunting and stalking off to plunk himself down in one of the waiting room chairs, clearly unconvinced. I sighed and took the only other available seat, right in between an obese man who smelled of patchouli and a woman who considered it her duty to show me pictures not only of all her grandchildren but her cats as well. Just when I thought I really couldn't take it anymore, a doctor walked over to where I was sitting.

"Excuse me, are you the kid who brought in Miss Swan?" he asked, peering down at me through dense bifocals.

"That's me," I replied, jumping to my feet in my eagerness to get away from the cat lady. Charlie was by my side in a flash. The doctor squinted at him rather stupidly, and he hurried to introduce himself.

"Hello, I'm Charlie Swan," he introduced himself, and when the doctor continued to stare at him blankly he added, "Bella's father?"

Recognition flashed across the doctor's face. "Oh, good! Nice to meet you, Chief Swan. I'm Eli McCall," he held out his hand and Charlie shook it impatiently.

"My pleasure. Hey listen, is Bella awake?"

The doctor's face grew slightly more serious. "I'm afraid she's still unconscious, Chief. It's not unusual after a trauma of this sort, though, nothing to be concerned about! Would you like to see her?"

"Yes," Charlie and I both responded at the same time. He eyed me suspiciously but declined to comment. Doctor McCall, completely oblivious to the tension between us, smiled brightly and beckoned for us to follow him.

When we reached the room, I hesitated, unsure of my own reaction to Bella's fragile state. Charlie paid me no mind, charging into the room with his usual lack of sensitivity.

"Oh my God," I heard him cry softly, and flinched at the tenor of his emotions. She must look pretty bad. Taking a deep breath, I sent a wave of calm Charlie's way and stepped into the room.

I could not contain the gasp that escaped me when I saw Bella laid out on the hospital bed. She looked so small and fragile lying there that it took my breath away, and I had to remember to keep my chest moving up and down for appearance's sake. Bruises were beginning to blossom in unlikely places like her collarbone and the crook of her elbow, and there was a gash next to her left eyebrow that I hadn't even noticed before. I resisted the urge to touch her, to take her hand or stroke her cheekbone, knowing that Charlie would not react favorably to such a gesture.

Looking at Bella, I could only see her cuts and bruises, her shaved head, the circles under her eyes. The way she looked lost inside the hospital gown and she practically disappeared underneath the sheets. I knew that all of it was my fault, and suddenly, I couldn't take it any more. I thought of my wife, my brother, and this sweet innocent girl who would never lift a finger to hurt anybody. All the people that I'd hurt, and I couldn't do a thing to fix it. My existence only made everyone else's life a misery.

Feeling like if I stayed a second longer I might start tearing myself apart, I turned and fled from the room.

**A/N: Sorry for all the angst. If you want less of it you should figure out a way to make it less fun to write. Anyway, I promised I wouldn't leave you in suspense too long after that last chapter, and I didn't! I hope you enjoyed this 3 ½ page extended Jasper rant, because I'm toying with the idea of making all the chapters longer and written from just one POV. I think it would make it a lot less disjointed and hard to follow. Let me know what you think. **


	13. Vanilla

**Jasper's POV**

I raced out of the hospital as fast as I could, heading toward the closest thing I had to a home. In the back of my head I suspected that this trip would do nothing but cause me pain, but something compelled me to go anyway. Maybe it was just me being masochistic again, but I felt like I had some unfinished business there.

The house sat forlorn in the forest, looking like it had been abandoned for years rather than days. The porch steps creaked under my weight, but the door swung open without a hitch. It was strange to see the house empty. My boot-clad footsteps echoed across the bare floor as I made my way into the dining room, where an envelope addressed to me waited patiently.

Feeling like I was moving though water, I slowly made my way over and slit open the envelope. Three pieces of paper fell out, two handwritten and one typed, official looking document. I picked up that one first and discovered to my shock that it was the deed to the house. Placing it aside, I unfolded the longer handwritten one.

If my heart still beat, it would have stopped. I'd recognize Alice's handwriting anywhere, even if the paper didn't smell like it had been doused in vanilla. I unfolded the paper quickly, collapsed in a chair, and smoothed it out on the table before me, cherishing the sweet smell of her that rose from the paper almost as much as her words:

_Jazz,_

_You know I'm no good at goodbyes, but if you're reading this it means I'm dead. I hope you never have to read it, but there's a chance that one of these days the Volturi might get sick of indulging Carlisle and show up on our doorstep looking to wipe us all out. I don't think this will happen anytime in the near future, but if it does, I just want to be prepared. Call me morbid all you want, but I don't plan to leave this world without giving you something to remember me by. _

_I don't mean to sound cryptic. This isn't a will, exactly, seeing as I'm not leaving a thing to anyone but you. Which brings me to the point of this letter, the reason I'm sitting in a darkened room thinking about death. Not my favorite pastime, believe me. You're out hunting right now with the boys. I can't wait for you to come home - I'm thinking about you right now, about that sound you make when I run my fingers through your hair - _

_I'm sorry. If you're reading this, I'm dead, and it's probably hard for you to hear about making love to me when you can't anymore, isn't it? But that's part of what I want to talk to you about. I don't want you to dwell on me, Jasper. I know how you are and how you feel about me, because I feel the same way about you. I can see the corners of your mouth turning up right now, saying you doubt that, but it's true. You're everything to me, Jazz. _

_I won't beat around the bush any longer. Do you remember when we went for that drive in the country during our honeymoon in Paris and you fell in love with that chateau on the coast and you said that if we ever left Carlisle and Esme this is where you wanted to end up? And I smiled and called you a softie and you shut me up by kissing me till I forgot all about it? Well, I forgot about it then but later I couldn't stop thinking about it, and when you were in the shower I called around and asked if it was for sale. It wasn't, but I persuaded the woman who lived there to sell it for three times as much as it was actually worth. I might have told you about it that night, but for some reason I didn't. Maybe I'll reveal it as an anniversary present one day, I don't know. But it's there, waiting for you. The deed is in your name. And Jasper, while I know you will never forget me, if you're reading this letter it means I'm gone. I'm not coming back. And I don't want the memories you make in that house to be tainted by my ghost._

_You're home now. I can hear you banging around downstairs, teasing Edward about rushing back to Bella. I would say you should be nicer to him, but you know as well as I do how much he worries. _

_I love you so much. _

_Alice_

Some time ago, the letter had fallen from my hands. I wasn't sure where it landed. All I was conscious of was the feeling of the worn table's surface beneath my forehead, where I sat, wrapped in grief and longing, as the day around me turned to night.

**A/N: Sorry it's so short, I had to finish at the library. As always, reviews are appreciated. **


	14. Love

**A/N: Sorry about the short JPOV at the beginning of the chapter. If I'd had my way it would have been part of the last one, but the frumpy librarian was glaring at me. **

**Also: Jacob fans will not like this chapter. I know that seems random, but don't say I didn't warn you. **

**Jasper's POV**

Some time later, it didn't seem to matter when, I summoned the will to lift my head and reach for Alice's letter. Placing it on the table, I picked up the third piece of paper. It was a note from Carlisle, scribbled and brief:

_Jasper,_

_Alice left this in my care, with instructions to give it to you in the event of her death. I meant to present you with it earlier, but I thought it might be easier this way. _

_Your room is just as you left it - this house is yours now. _

_I hope you find everything you need._

_Carlisle_

I folded up Carlisle's hurried missive, as well as Alice's letter and the deed to the chateau, and, donning a light jacket, placed them in the inside pocket. Thinking was hard for me at the moment, but one need overpowered all my better instincts: I had to see Bella.

**Bella's POV**

I was blind.

No matter what direction I looked, it didn't seem to matter. Darkness was all I could perceive. This darkness felt sinister, like it was more than the mere absence of light, like there had never been any light to begin with. I was alone, utterly alone, at the end of everything, the death of the universe -

And then, I heard a voice. Not just any voice, but the sweetest I'd ever heard, calling my name…I realized I was dreaming then, felt a hard, uncaring surface beneath me, my body ensconced in cheap scratchy sheets - I was in the hospital, I realized suddenly, and I needed to open my eyes, to figure out what the hell was going on.

I struggled to awake fully, but my eyelids were made out of lead. At last, I succeeded in opening them, and saw a head of blond hair swimming anxiously above me. Even before his worried caramel eyes came into focus, I knew it was Jasper.

"Bella? Are you awake?" he was whispering, his voice smooth as silk. "I wasn't going to say anything, but then I thought I saw you twitch, and you were muttering in your sleep, something about 'I'm blind, I'm blind' - were you having a nightmare?"

I nodded. _Yes, I was having a nightmare, but I feel much better now that you came to see me. Please don't leave again, I'm not sure I could handle it, _I thought but didn't say. The fear must have shown on my face, however, because his suddenly turned anxious again, and he was suddenly rushing to speak, the words spilling out before they were fully formed, even, tumbling over each other in their haste to escape -

"I'm so sorry for leaving the other night, Bella. It was just hard, having you so close - of course, that's no excuse, I should have been more careful, more prepared - anyway, if I'd known how you were going to react, I never would have -" he paused, stuck for words, but I was already shaking my head violently.

"Don't apologize, Jasper. I was being careless, it's not like I've never been around a vampire before. I know to act, and I ignored my better instincts. It's completely my fault," I finished, stumbling over my words a little in my sincerity. The last thing I wanted was Jasper blaming himself for my stupidity.

Jasper's face was anguished. He started to say something, stopped himself, and abruptly turned away from him to lean against the wall. When he turned back, he was much calmer, but his eyes were still filled with sadness. He walked over and sat carefully down on the edge of my bed. When he spoke, his voice was surprisingly steady despite the pain still present in his eyes.

"I made you a promise, Bella. I said I'd always be there for you, whenever you needed me. I will do my best not to ever renege on that promise…as long as you want me to." He did not break eye contact throughout his entire speech, and his caramel orbs held such magnetic intensity that I couldn't bear to look away.

"You saved me," I realized. It wasn't a question. I suddenly knew without knowing how I knew that it was Jasper that had pulled me from the wreckage of the truck's cab. He nodded, slowly, and looked away from me for the first time. Taking one of my hands in both of his, he flipped it over and began to lightly trace the lines of my palm. I let out a small gasp at the coolness of his touch, and he drew back immediately.

"Sorry," he apologized, looking chastised.

"No, don't stop," I found myself saying. "That felt good."

He gave me a strange look, but reached for my hand again. "Sorry," he repeated. "It's strange, for me…to be so close…to a human."

"Strange," I echoed. "But not…not bad, right?"

He looked up very suddenly. "No," he murmured, "not bad…" And then he did something I never could have expected. Holding my hand securely in one of his, he hoisted his body carefully onto the bed so that he lay beside me. Then he resumed tracing my palm. Sighing, I let my shorn head rest snugly against his steel chest, and within moments I was sound asleep.

_________________________

If I expected Jasper's smiling face to greet me when I awoke, I was thoroughly and sorely disappointed. The hospital room was empty except for my least favorite Quileute, all six foot six of him slumped in one of those criminally uncomfortable hospital chairs, fast asleep and snoring like he hadn't slept in a week. Bright morning light streamed in though the wide window, illuminating the circles under his eyes and explaining Jasper's disappearance. I know I was probably supposed to feel guilty for causing him such discomfort, or happy that'd he'd come to see me, but I couldn't seem to summon either emotion at the moment.

He shifted in his seat and I was overcome with a fresh surge of annoyance. My limbs were on fire at the moment and I was in no mood to reconcile with anybody. With the thought that it might be better to get this over with quickly, I called out "Jake!" as loud as I could, attempting to startle him awake. While my hoarse voice would never have reached a normal human's ears, Jake was immediately jolted awake. Shaking himself out of his stupor, his look of confusion turned to intense relief and he was at my bedside in a heartbeat.

"Bella, I am so-" he began in a pleading voice, but I cut him off before he could finish, clamping the hand that didn't have an I.V. taped to it directly over his mouth.

"I don't want to hear it," I snapped, ignoring the pain building in my arm. "Before you became a wolf, you swore you'd never hurt me. You've already broken that promise more times than I can count. You don't get another chance. Now get out of my room before I call the nurse and have you forcibly removed." I took my hand away but didn't stop glaring at him, looking directly into those coal black eyes I knew so well, eyes that were now filled with shock and pain. He should have left then, should have straightened up and stormed out of my life for good, but being stubborn, foolish Jacob, he couldn't.

"But, Bella," he protested, his voice sounding the anguished whine of a dog in pain, "I love you."

"Liar."

His black eyes flashed, and I could tell he was about to speak, but I interrupted him, having already heard enough of his angry words for a lifetime.

"You don't love me. You left me just when I needed you most, abandoned me because you were so damn jealous of Edward that you couldn't even stand to see me sad over his death. Because he was a bloodsucker, a parasite, a _leech_! He wasn't even a person to you, Jacob, so don't pretend like you love me. You can't be disgusted by my past and still want to be a part of my future. That's not how love works, Jake."

Fire was surging through my limbs again, but it wasn't from pain this time. Telling off Jacob felt good, like it was something I'd felt for a long time but only just now found the words to express. I felt no remorse at the sorrow and shame I saw burning in Jacob's eyes, but when I paused for breath, he tried to plead his case.

"Bella, I am so sorry I can't even tell you. What I did was awful and I don't know what to say except I'll do anything to make it up to you. Name your price, Bella, and I'll pay it, I promise."

Looking at him kneeling there by the side of my bed, his eyes hopeful and his words seemingly sincere, I almost felt sorry for what I was about to say next. Almost. Then I remembered all the nights I spent crying alone, wishing for someone to kill me just so the agony would end. My resolve returned, and I spoke the words I knew would make him disappear.

"You want to know how you can make it up to me, Jake? Okay. Get out. Get out of my life and don't ever come back. I never want to see you again," I spat.

A look of intense hurt flashed across Jacob's face. Slowly, painfully slowly, he rose, turned his back, and walked out of the room and my life, leaving me shaking in the narrow hospital bed, biting back furious tears.


	15. Trust

**Bella's POV**

_I lay alone with the sky stretching endlessly above me, that flawless, essential blue healing my bruised and battered heart. I was not completely in touch with my limbs, but it didn't seem to matter. I had never felt so whole, so completely and vitally alive. _

_Hours later, or mere seconds, I realized that I was not in fact lying on the Earth, but floating in water. Normally this would have frightened me, not knowing how deep it was or what lay below it, but I could not bring myself to feel fear. Instead, I was filled with a strange humming, a lightness that made my nerves sing. I felt compelled to stand. Part of my mind protested that this was impossible, but I shook off my doubts as a dog does water, and stood. _

_The surface of the water rippled but did not give beneath me. It was clear as glass beneath my feet, and suffused with a bright blue light that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once. I looked up and discovered that I was wearing a beautiful soft white dress that fell just past my knees. My hair tumbled in sumptuous curves to the small of my back, and I could see halfway to the horizon. _

_I took a small, cautious step forward. Everywhere my feet touched, the surface of the water stirred but did not break. Laughing, I started to run across the water, my hair flowing freely behind me – _

_"Having fun?"_

_I gasped and skidded to a halt. Miraculously, I did not fall, but simply wavered precariously before regaining my balance and pivoting slowly. It felt entirely too good to be true, but I could not mistake_ _that _voice…

_Edward smiled softly when he saw shock and joy mingle on my face. Hoping against hope that my legs would continue to work, I reversed my course and ran toward him, skipping the last step and just vaulting into his arms. He caught me, laughing, and hugged me close, burying his face in my hair as I lavished kisses on his neck. _

_"Oh God, I've missed you," I heard him whisper, and I drew back slightly so that I could look into his eyes. "Me too," I admitted breathlessly, and leaned in to kiss him, my legs still wrapped around his frame. He leaned away, a sad light coming into his eyes. Gently, he disentangled himself and set me down gently on my own two feet. Then he turned and began to walk away. Terrified, I tried to run after him, but found I could no longer move. Edward vanished into the blue without a backward glance, and the water collapsed beneath me, swallowing me whole. _

_I was drowning suddenly, gasping for air, but water filled my lungs instead. I struggled for the surface, but when I reached it I found that it was as impenetrable from below as it was from above. In fact, as I watched with panicked eyes, the entire surface seemed to ice over, leaving me with no hope of escape, and I was sinking, spiraling down into the deep –_

I woke up gulping for air, my limbs thrashing around in a frenzy, having tossed half my sheets onto the floor. My injured leg was laced with a stabbing pain, and Charlie was standing over me with a concerned expression on his face, his arm stretched out as though he had just shaken me awake. I was grateful that the dream had been disturbed, but I couldn't help wishing it had been Jasper instead…I abandoned that train of thought before it could go any further, and forced myself to focus on the present.

"You okay?" Charlie asked, and I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. A half-eaten plate of cafeteria food lay on the table beside the room's sole chair, alone with a three or four empty Mountain Dew cans. I frowned. Charlie obviously hadn't left last night, so how had Jasper come to see me unnoticed, let alone Jake?

"Bella?" Charlie prodded, still looking anxious.

"Yeah, Dad, fine. Just a nightmare."

He nodded a little sadly, familiar enough with my frequent nightmares for this news to come as no surprise to him. "How's the leg?" he asked, diverting the conversation from this unpleasant topic.

"Not too bad," I lied. The pain in my leg was in fact growing worse by the second, but it was nearly as annoying as the unanswered questions taking up most of my attention. "Dad, were you here all night last night?"

"Yeah," Charlie admitted, settling down in the chair by my bed. "I talked with the doctor for about an hour, though, you didn't wake up then, did you? Jake got here the moment the visiting hours started, I went to get us some breakfast and the next thing I know he's storming down the hall looking like he wants to kill something. Did you guys have a fight?"

I hesitated. He seemed to take the look on my face as confirmation, and to my surprise, gave me a gentle smile.

"I know you think I'm unfair about Jacob, Bells, and I've decided you're right. Jake's like a son to me, but that doesn't change the fact that you are my daughter. You've got a good head on your shoulders and if you're mad at someone, you've got a good reason to be. I promise I'll trust your judgment from now on." He bowed his head slightly at the end of his speech, and to my surprise I felt myself tear up a little.

"Wow, Dad. Um, thanks. I…I really appreciate that." My voice was thick. The fact that Charlie still trusted me after all the stuff I'd put him through meant the world to me, and I knew that from that point on I would never do anything to betray that trust.

"Don't mention it, Bells," said Charlie gruffly, but I ignored his discomfort and reached out to take his hand in mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Minutes later I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep, comforted by the feel of my father's rough calloused palm under mine.

**A/N: Yes yes I know, no Jasper in this chapter. Still, Charlie's a good dad, and I felt it would be wrong to give the impression that he left Bella alone in the hospital. **

**Reviews are nice. :D**


	16. Story

**Bella's POV**

Jasper arrived right on schedule.

It was past midnight, and I was dozing fitfully, my nerves deadened by painkillers and a long afternoon. A call from Renee disturbed my nap, and I spent an exhausting hour on the phone, trying to reassure my frantic mother that I was okay.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come to Forks, honey? I can be there in 12 hours if you need me, really -"

"That's okay, Mom. I'm doing fine, and you only just left." My mother had flown up for a week in the wake of Edward's death, and after the initial comfort of having her around, her constant fretting and anxious glances she thought I couldn't see began to wear on me. I much preferred Charlie's unwavering silent support.

Immediately after I finally got off the phone with Renee, Angela came to see me. She carried an enormous bouquet of flowers, but even the bright blooms couldn't distract from the look of shock that flashed across her kind face as she took in my shaved head and broken body. She quickly disguised this with a smile, and we talked for a few minutes, but being Angela, she could tell how tired I was and did not overstay her welcome, leaving me with a careful hug and a promise to visit again soon. I'd finally convinced Charlie to go home and get some sleep, with many assurances that I would do the same, but every time I tried to rest, I was haunted by the same sad pair of eyes.

Despite my exhaustion, I was happy to see the familiar blond head appear in my doorway, his eyes glinting in the light of the muted TV. Maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed like the deep mahogany of his eyes grew a little warmer when they alighted on my face.

"I'm glad you're awake." His soft whisper seemed to cut through the white noise of the hospital, traveling across the room with ease. "May I come in?"

"Of course." My voice was hoarse but naturally he had no difficulty hearing me, shutting the door gently behind him and coming to sit by my bed. "Hi," I greeted him, smiling weakly. He ignored this. I could not blame him.

"Bella, there's something I need to say to you," he began, and my insides were suddenly filled with dread. He was leaving. I could feel it. I struggled to keep the despair off my face, but I should have known better than to try to hide something from his razor-sharp perception.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking concerned. "You're scared. Why?"

I swallowed several times, determined that when I spoke my voice would not shake. "You're leaving, aren't you? It's okay. I understand. Not that you need to ask my permission or anything, I just-" I paused, struggling to maintain my self-control, noticing for the first time the odd look that had come into Jasper's eyes. He looked almost…angry.

"Bella," he said, and his voice was heavy with exasperation, "do you ever listen to _anything I say?"_

I was frozen, utterly confused, but a small part of my brain did register that leaving didn't seem to be his intention. Jasper's eyes were fixed on mine, and his voice was low and intense.

"I promised I wouldn't leave you. I gave you my word. I know you don't know me very well, but surely you not suggesting I have so little integrity as to go back on a sworn promise!"

Independent of my will, tears hovered at the corners of my eyes. "Edward did," I whispered, my entire form shaking with the effort of holding myself together.

Jasper's furious features softened. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry."

I was suddenly fiercely embarrassed to be crying in front of him. Turning my face away, I blinked furiously in an effort to dispel the tears. I thought he might leave then, write me off as the lost cause that I was, but instead I felt a large hand gently cup my chin, guiding my face towards his. For the second time, he wiped away my tears with the heel of this thumb, took my palm in his. His eyes never left my face.

"Don't cry, Bella," Jasper begged. "Please, don't cry."

I smiled at him through my blurred vision and blinked to clear it. Within a moment I had recovered enough to ask Jasper what he had been planning to tell me before I sidetracked him.

"Oh, that," was his deadpan response, and I quelled the fluttering of fear in my chest, forcing myself to focus on his face. He looked troubled.

"What? What is it?" Despite my best efforts, my voice was tinged with hysteria. I wondered what news could possible be worse than everything I'd gone though in the past month and came up empty, but that alone did little to alleviate my apprehension. Just when I thought that if Jasper didn't tell me what was going on I would dissolve into a puddle of nerves, he spoke.

"Please don't take this the wrong way," he began, staring anxiously into my eyes. "I don't plan to leave you unless you want me to. But before you allow yourself to trust me, there are a few things you should know.

"Bella, I did not have the same…upbringing…as the rest of my family. My early life was very different. Even during my human life I lusted for blood...not that I actually wanted to consume it, of course, but I saw killing as a glorious pastime. At sixteen, I was fully willing to die for my country…and my country was not the Union."

He paused, his eyes serious, trying to gage how I was taking this news, surprised at the nod I gave him to signal that it was okay to continue. Nonetheless, he plowed on, his voice earnest, measured, calm.

"I was raised to operate a plantation, and taught that the only way to do that successfully was through the use of slave labor. I was young, I was foolish, but that does not excuse my utter disregard for blacks. I did not see them as human, and I was cruel to them on many occasions. I have done many horrible things during my time on this earth, but there is very little I regret more than the way I treated those slaves." He paused, lost in reverie, and I didn't rush him, but rather waited patiently for him to go on. After a moment or two of faraway eyes, he shook his head sadly and continued.

"I joined the Confederate Army as soon as I was able, and one night while I was on patrol I was confronted by three beautiful women. Their leader, Maria, changed me. The pain of that – it's impossible to describe unless you've felt it yourself – I can still remember it vividly, after all these years." His eyes were looking distant again, but the pause was shorter this time, punctuated by a quickly clearing of the throat. When he spoke again, his voice was back to normal.

"After the pain went away, I found to my great surprise that instead of being dead like I'd expected, I was faster and stronger than ever before. Maria talked to me, explained what I was. At first, I was very grateful to her for saving me from what I'm sure would have been a pathetic and possibly abbreviated existence, but after some time went by I began to see her for what she truly was: a monster. She didn't care who she hurt as long as she had enough new recruits for her army." His voice sounded a little bitter near the end, and I wasn't sure if he had more to tell, but I didn't give him time to finish, interrupting for the first time so far.

"What army?" I asked curiously, and Jasper laughed mirthlessly.

"I forgot how much you don't know. What you must understand, Bella, is that a newborn vampire is very strong, and to someone like Maria, disposable. She used her recruits as pawns in her grand plan to gain control of the southern half of the United States by defeating the other vampire clans in a long and bloody war. After a while, I just got sick of it. Sick of the killing, the twisted politics, sick of Maria herself. So I left. I walked away and never looked back. I didn't want to kill anymore, but I couldn't see a way to stop until I met Alice. She showed me how to be a person again, and I'd like to think a good one. And that, Bella, is where my story ends."

I looked at him sitting there, resigned yet somehow hopeful, and I raised my hand to stroke the side of his face. Surprisingly, he melted into my touch, letting his eyes drift shut as I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. He made a contented sound deep in his throat, and leaned more heavily into my palm.

"You're wrong," I whispered, and his eyes flew open, trying to comprehend my meaning. His face was a question mark, begging me to keep going.

"You're wrong," I repeated, my voice strong and warm and sure. "Your story's not over. It's only just begun."

**A/N: Sorry about the somewhat cliffie, but hey, at least it's a decent length, right? Hope you enjoyed it, and remember to please review!**


	17. Promise, Pt 1

**Jasper's POV**

"…And that, Bella, is where my story ends," I finished, feeling as though I'd been talking for hours rather than minutes. I held my breath as her eyes explored my face, uncertain of her reaction. I knew my past would be repugnant to her, as it would to any sane human, but would her feeling of repulsion manifest itself in disgust for me? Would she be repelled enough to reject my promise to her? The thought pulled me up short as I was forced to acknowledge the possibility that after learning my story Bella would not want to associate with me anymore. I didn't know if that was a decision I could respect. I'd gotten too used to being her protector and even her friend to just walk away now. I waited, with my future plans and tenuous self-respect hanging in the balance, for Bella's decision. I hoped that she could accept me for who I was, but in all honesty I was also prepared for hysterical screaming.

What she did next astounded me. Without breaking eye contact, she reached out to me, her impossibly soft palm landing on the side of my face. She traced the curve of my jaw and I felt my eyes drift closed, knowing I'd underestimated her.

"You're wrong," she whispered, and my eyes flew open. "You're wrong," she repeated firmly. "It's only just begun."

She let her hand drop; but I wasn't letting her go that easily. Catching hold of her wrist, I struggled to keep my voice calm as I asked her, "What makes you say that?"

She didn't answer for a moment, but I could see empathy shining in her eyes. "It feels like the world ended, doesn't it," she murmured. Unable to speak, I nodded. I thought this was all she had to say, but once again, she proved me wrong.

"At first, I thought it did," she admitted. "When…Edward…died, my world was over. I couldn't imagine a world without him in it, I felt like I didn't deserve to live. I still feel like that, sometimes," she added quietly, her eyes downcast. I squeezed her hand gently, and she rewarded me with a small yet radiant smile.

"I love Edward still, and I miss him horribly. But I know I have to be strong. I can't give up. Because he wanted me to live. To have a full and happy life. And when he thought he was interfering with that, he left. And I know without a doubt that Alice would want the same for you."

There were tears glistening on her cheeks now, but she smiled though the pain. I felt like my heart stitching itself back together, watching this sweet, broken girl trying to convince me that life was worth living. Keeping my eyes fixed on her face, I pressed my lips to her palm, heard her sharp intake of breath. I kissed my way up her slender forearm, along her pale, emaciated bicep, lingering for a moment at her shoulder. Her collarbone fascinated me, but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so I skipped that and settled for her temple. She looked up at me with anxious eyes, and I smiled to let her know that I hadn't completely lost my mind.

"Thank you," I told her sincerely. "Thank you so much." And then, regretfully, "I should go." I turned to leave, but was deterred by Bella's slender fingers alighting on my arm. Her eyes were full of questions.

"Wait," she said. "Will I…see you tomorrow?"

I smiled reassuringly. "Of course. Same time?"

"Sure," she agreed easily, and I turned to leave only to once more be distracted by her thin, sleepy voice.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"You could come during the day…if you wanted."

I felt my face break into a smile once more, thinking about all the complications that would cause and how they suddenly didn't seem to matter. "I just might have to take you up on that."

**_______________**

I managed to make it all the way home before it hit me.

I had just sat down in the living room and was startling to unlace my boots when I was suddenly overcome with intense and all consuming remorse.

What the hell was I doing? This was insane! How could I attempt to control other people's emotions when I couldn't even master my own?! The only reason Bella didn't freak out when I told her is because she though of me as some kind of perverse guardian angel. I needed to put a stop to this, immediately.

But I promised I wouldn't leave her.

So? It wasn't like I'd never broken a promise before. In fact, I distinctly remembered promising Alice that I'd never let anyone hurt her…

_Alice had been acting strange all day, distant and remote, and when I finally confronted her and asked her what was wrong, she just shook her head and turned away. I caught hold of her wrist, pulling her back to me, and finally, she admitted that she'd seen her own death._

"_It was horrible," she whispered, her lip trembling and her eyes lost. "They killed someone I loved, I'm not sure who, I only know it wasn't you…and I was trying to protect someone else, a girl, with long dark hair…and I screamed and begged at them to let her go, but they just laughed in my face…" _

_I crushed her to my chest then, fiercely. She was so small but she slipped perfectly in my arms, like we'd been made to fit together. "I will never let that happen," I promised, burying my hair in her hair. "Ever."_

The resolve to undo my bootlace left me and I sank to the floor with a groan, thinking only of my Alice.

**A/N: You really didn't think I'd let you off so easily after that last feel-good chapter, now, did you? Just kidding, but on a serious note, I'd really like some constructive criticism on this chapter. It was really hard to write and I'm still not at all happy with it. I particularly want to know if you think I'm doing a good job with the grief aspect, because I've been fortunate enough never to have to go through that myself and as such I don't really know what it feels like. Anyway, just let me know what you think!**


	18. Promise, Pt 2

**Bella**

I dreamt of sleeping with Edward.

_It was the night after we'd returned from Italy. I'd stubbornly kept my eyes open throughout the entire flight, only succumbing during the drive back to Forks, and being rudely awakened by Charlie's yelling when we arrived. I'd begged Edward not to leave, and after Charlie had been placated, he allowed me to curl up next to him on my narrow bed. I folded into to his stone body, nestling my neck into the crook of his shoulder so that my lips were only inches from his face. He'd made a soft sound in his throat like he was finally content, and, his hand wrapped firmly around my waist, began to hum my lullaby. I sighed and snuggled even closer so that his sweet scent was all I could smell, felt my muscles relax and my jaw slacken, and I knew that he would never leave again…_

A sudden chill awoke me; a nurse had unwittingly opened the window to let in the early morning air, not knowing that is doing so she had destroyed the best dream I was ever likely to have. Still half asleep, I mumbled Edward's name. When he did not respond, I tried again. "Edward?"

There was no answer, and for some reason that send icy dread rushing through my veins, weighting me down so that it was hard to think or breathe. My eyes flew open, and I realized, not for the first time, that I was alone, that Edward would never sing me to sleep again. I had known that, intellectually, for a month, but it had never hit me quite that hard before, and the sheer irrevocable power of that realization sent me careening over the edge once more.

"Edward," I whispered, and the pain rattled me from head to toe. I sobbed, I shook, and I screamed - low, into my pillow so that the nurses wouldn't hear. My fingers grasped the edge of the bed so hard the color left my knuckles. I cried still I didn't have any tears left, until I could only stare morosely at the ceiling, waiting for something, anything, to make the misery end.

For nearly an hour I lost myself to grief. And then, just at the point when I had given up hope, when I was beginning to not only sense but actively notice my mind's descent into madness - right then, I looked out the window.

There, in perfect alignment with the head of my hospital bed, was the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen. The night sky was dissolving, lightening from black to midnight blue to periwinkle and finally to pink, orange, yellow, eggshell blue. It was absolutely glorious, singularly lovely, and in that moment I fully believed the sun was rising just for me. Rising because I couldn't fight the darkness on my own any more, rising because it knew I needed it's light to guide my way.

I have never been more grateful or more fortunate, and in that moment I made the decision never to let myself be consumed by grief again. I could mourn, I could cry, I could remember, I could wallow - but always, I would force myself to recognize that tomorrow was a new day, that this sadness, while it would never leave my heart, would never threaten my life or my sanity again.

**________________________**

The first visit was by far the hardest, probably because I wasn't expecting it. There I was, exhausted after just having finished my first physical therapy session, and in walks Jasper, holding a ludicrous bouquet of flowers and wearing a look on his face like a fifteen year-old boy who was just about to ask the prettiest girl in his class to homecoming. I might have laughed at the expression if Charlie hadn't been sitting right beside me, but to my great surprise and relief, my father, after an initial disapproving grimace that he almost managed to hide, actually stood up, shook Jasper's hand, and thanked him for saving my life.

A startled look flashed across Jasper's chiseled features, but he maintained his composure well. "You're very welcome, Sir," he replied politely. Then, gesturing slightly awkwardly with the flowers, "These are for Bella."

"Didn't think they were for me," Charlie joked, and Jasper smiled before smoothly setting down the flowers and settling in the chair opposite my father. Charlie followed suit, and what happened after that was nothing short of an interrogation.

Charlie questioned Jasper about every aspect of his life, starting with the finer details of the accident and moving on to why the Cullens left, was Jasper doing all right on his own, did he plan to finish out the year at Forks High, what were his future plans, his background, his parents. He even asked what his intentions towards me were. Had the therapy not drained me completely I would have covered my eyes after that one, but as it was I could barely stand to move my pinkie finger, let alone a whole hand. Jasper, to his credit, handled the question extremely well for someone who didn't have an answer planned out ahead of time.

"My intentions?" he repeated, and I could tell that although his tone was perfectly cordial at the moment, he was going to have a laugh about this later. I grit my teeth as he continued, "I intend to be your daughters friend, sir, if she'll let me, that is. We're dealing with similar things right now and I think it would be helpful if for each of us if we had someone to lean on."

It wasn't strictly the truth, but it wasn't stretching it too far either. Charlie looked satisfied with that answer, and the two continued to talk in an amiable way that didn't allow me to get a word in edgewise. I was on the verge of clearing my throat when Doctor McCall appeared in the doorway needing to talk to my father. I wasn't sorry to see the back of him, to be honest, and turned my head immediately towards Jasper, eager to discuss last night, but as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Angela was back, and this time she had an uncomfortable-looking Ben in tow. An unconscious smile spread across my face at the sight of her, which surprised me in and of itself, because I hadn't realized I'd be happy to see her. Then again, why shouldn't I be? She was the only person at Forks High beside the Cullens that had ever treated me with genuine kindness, she was the only person outside the Cullens that I considered a friend. So despite my reservations about having her, Ben, Jasper and I all in the same confined space, I managed a cheery wave.

"Hey," I called out softly, my voice a little raspy from lack of use. Smiling shyly, Angela rushed to greet me and pull up two chairs to the other side of my bed. While she and Ben were initially a little intimidated by Jasper's presence, he won them over quickly with his natural charm and subtle waves of calm sent in their direction. He watched me intently while I told them what I remembered of the accident, my voice still slightly hoarse, and the next thing I knew a cool cup of water was being pressed into my hand. I looked up at Jasper in surprise, not really expecting him to be so in tune to the nuances of the human physique, but his face had a look I didn't understand.

Angela and Ben didn't stay very long, as they were planning on catching a matinee of some chick flick Angela was dragging Ben to (his penance for all the martial arts movies, I assumed), but it was still nice to see them. It reminded me that although for a while it felt like my life had ended, the rest of the world marched resolutely on, with little consideration for any particular person. That thought, while it might seem alarming to some, was oddly comforting to me. It made me feel like there was no such thing as Fate, that stuff just happened and it wasn't fair to blame anyone in particular. I wasn't about to admit that Edward's death wasn't my fault, because I knew I would always harbor some guilt for that one, but I'd made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be consumed by it anymore, and I refused to renege on that vow.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper inquired after Ben and Angela had left. Startled at the sudden reminder of his presence, I truly met his eyes for perhaps the first time since he had entered the room, and there was such empathy there that it kept the "nothing" I had been about to utter from leaving my mouth. I was struck by a sudden, fierce urge to tell Jasper everything, to share the details of the last night's dream and that morning's revelation, but before I could say a word, Charlie re-entered the room.

"Hello," he said gruffly, and Jasper, seemingly sensing some undercurrent of emotion of which I wasn't aware, abruptly stood.

"I should go," he remarked casually, and, his eyes not meeting mine, crossed the room to shake my father's surprised hand. "Chief Swan, it's was nice to finally meet you properly. Bella, it's been a pleasure." With a swift nod, he was gone from the room, leaving my father's brow furrowed and me wondering about a few things, not least of all the look he'd given me before my father had interrupted us. There'd been pain in his eyes, and understanding, but there was a hint of something else too, something I didn't quite recognize. It made me think of the expression on his face when he'd gotten water for me earlier, and for the first time, I wondered: was it human nuances that Jasper was especially attuned to, or was it simply…mine?

**A/N: What a lovely question, and I daresay you, my dear readers, won't have very much trouble divining the answer…**

**Thoughts, critiques, flames, emoticons, exclamations of joy, rage, or pure unadulterated hatred - all are welcome, though I must say, I'm partial to the joy. :D**


	19. Selfless

**Jasper **

I knew something was bothering Bella the instant she got into the car.

It was clear she was upset from she bit her bottom lip and stared out the window. It shone through in the way her hands would not stay still, instead fluttering around like two nervous hummingbirds, never alighting in one place for more than the briefest of seconds. I could hear it in the rhythm of her heart, fast and uneven.

But as clear as all these signs were, they were merely guesses, clues. Try as I might, I could no longer discern the exact tenor of her emotions. As much as I felt certain that she was upset about something, I couldn't be sure. I had lost the ability to tell what she was feeling.

This might have worried me more if it was the first time it had happened, but it wasn't. Dwelling on the circumstances of the last time, however, made me deeply uneasy, so I tried not to think about it too much. On the positive side, the fact that this had happened before meant I probably wasn't losing my powers. On the negative -

I stopped that train of thought before it could go any further and slowed down to pull into Bella's driveway. It was overcast, naturally, and misting lightly, beautiful weather in my opinion. I looked over at Bella, who was still fidgeting nervously and refusing to meet my eyes, and was suddenly struck by how much she'd changed in just a few days.

Bella's hair had grown out a little during the week she'd been in the hospital, so that it was no longer bristly but lay down flat all over her head. She'd started to gain back some of the weight she'd lost, and although it wasn't much, maybe four or five pounds, it made her look a lot healthier. Although she wasn't exactly glowing, her skin did have a little more color, and the shadows under her eyes were much less pronounced.

"What're you worrying about?" I asked her softly, and she looked up, startled. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, giving her head a little shake.

"Nothing," she lied, not looking at me.

"Bella." There was no frustration in my tone, only certainty. I knew it wasn't 'nothing' and she knew I knew it. It was just a question of how soon she would tell me.

She finally looked at me then, and I could tell she was afraid before she even admitted it. "I'm scared."

I tilted my head to the side and said nothing, waiting for her to continue. When it became apparent that this wasn't going to happen, I asked, "What are you scared of?"

Her lip quivered. "It's stupid."

"I doubt that," I countered calmly.

She gazed at me for a moment, her expression unreadable, and then she glanced out the window again. I kept my impatience under control, knowing that she would tell me when she was ready, and simply waited.

When Bella turned back to me, I half-expected to see tears shining in her eyes, and was therefore surprised to see the strength in her gaze, the hidden power of her flint-eyed stare. Her jaw was set and her lips were pressed together in a hard line. Unconsciously, I blinked. This was not a side of Bella I'd seen before.

"It's nothing," she repeated, her voice hard. "I should go." Her hand was drifting towards the door handle, and I still had no idea what was going on.

"Wait a minute, Bella," I tried to reason with her, but she was already opening the passenger side door and clambering out. Frustrated, I captured one of her previously fluttering hands, trying to keep her long enough to figure out what was going on. She met my eyes then, and for a moment an expression of such sadness flashed across her face that it sent a piercing, white-hot dagger into my long-frozen heart. Then, without warning, it was replaced by an expression utterly devoid of emotion. I had seen anger on Bella's face. I had seen pain. I had even witnessed happiness, though fleeting. I had come to recognize the signs of each, and I'd have wagered that at that point in time I could read Bella's features better than anyone in her world. But I had never seen such a blank look on Bella's face before, and I recoiled at the sight, letting go of her hand for just the barest hint of instant. That was all it took. I felt her warm fingers slip through mine; heard the door slam behind her, and I was left sitting alone in the darkening mist, the sharp scent of lavender like fading incense in the air.

**Bella**

It took a long time for Jasper to leave. I couldn't bear to watch, but I still had my wits about me enough to realize that a fair amount of time had elapsed from when I left him sitting in the driveway to when at last heard the roar of his engine. Charlie had been glued to my side from the very moment I stepped into the house, but I finally managed to escape his worried glances by insisting, repeatedly, that all I really wanted was some rest. Naturally, he refused to let me attempt the stairs by myself, so it was only after I'd gotten settled in bed and assured him (again) that all I really wanted in the world was to sleep that he left me alone at last. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as I heard the door click gently shut behind him. Immediately, the tears I'd been holding back for what felt like hour started slipping down my cheeks. I buried my face in my pillow to smother my weeping, and, not for the first time in recent weeks, I cried myself to sleep.

______________________

The next morning was a Monday, and my alarm went off at 7:15, as always. Groaning, I reached over to hit snooze, but as I snuggled deeper into my warm sheets I discovered that sleep was no longer possible. There were too many things I didn't want to think about to sat hidden under the comforter, hoping the rain I could hear falling outside my window would seep into my bedroom and wash me away. Sighing, I rubbed my eyes and sat up, testing my muscles to see just how much pain I was in today.

To my surprise, my body felt better than it had in ages, a little sore, but nothing serious, just like the burn you get in your muscles the day after a hard workout. My leg, though healed, still ached a little, but I felt confident that it would hold me up should I choose to be on my feet today. My heart felt heavier than ever, but that was only to be expected, and I had to ignore it if I wanted my plan to have any chance of succeeding.

Pushing my pain away as though it belonged to someone else, I rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom to take a shower. The hot water felt heavenly on my skin, soothing away all my remaining aches and pains until I felt nearly as good as new. I dressed simply in a sweater and a long flowing skirt that would hide my injury from view. Slipping on socks and boots, I ran a nervous hand over my shorn hair before heading downstairs to face Charlie.

He looked up when I entered the room, and a look of shock crossed his face. "Bella!" he blurted.

"Dad," I responded in kind, offering what I hoped was a convincing smile. Unluckily for me, he didn't seem to buy it. Looking concerned, he set down his coffee mug and newspaper and asked, "What are you doing up so early?"

I attempted the smiling thing again. "School starts at 8:30, Dad," I reminded him, trying for a teasing tone.

"You're not going to school."

My back was to him, and I was glad, because it made it possible to conceal the anger I could feel burning under my skin. Taking a deep breath and reminding myself that Charlie was only trying to look out for me, I turned out and walked over to take a seat at the table.

This action surprised Charlie; I think he expected an outburst. If so, he was about to be disappointed, because I really had no desire to pick a fight with my father.

"Dad," I began calmly, keeping my expression pleasant. "I feel fine today. My leg barely hurts at all, actually. And I know you're worried about how I'm going to deal with school after everything that's happened, but I want to go. I need to go, actually. There's been so much chaos in my life lately, and I need a day of normalcy. You said you trusted me….now prove it."

My speech finished, I sat back in my chair and waited. After a moment, Charlie's face went from an combination of anxious and uncertain to a grudging look of defeat.

"All right, you can go, but on one condition…you're only allowed to use that trust thing once a year, okay?"

I felt my face break into a true smile for the first time in ages as a wave of affection for Charlie overwhelmed me. "Okay, Dad."

______________________

I remembered my first day at Forks High very clearly. Aside from being the first day I'd ever seen Edward and therefore seared into my memory with permanent and heart-wrenching detail, I remembered all the stares, the whispering, the pointing. As if I was were a celebrity and the student body were the bloodthirsty papparazi determined to discover all my deep, dark secrets.

No, there was little question in my mind would always stand out infamously in my memory. So that was how I knew without a doubt that today was a hundred times worse.

Besides missing a month's worth of classes, which was bad enough for someone hoping to graduate with the rest of her class, the gawking, gossiping, and occasional painful questions from particularly brave peers followed me everywhere I went, so that by the end of the day I was on the verge of telling everyone that yes, I did spend the month at lesbian camp, that's why my hair's like this now, and while you're at it do you think you could maybe LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?!

I hadn't realized I'd uttered those words aloud until I turned around to see Jasper standing in the middle of the hallway with a shell-shocked expression on his face. He looked just as perfect as ever with his clean-pressed khakis and blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and considering how frazzled I probably looked at the moment it was hard not to hate him for that, but I did my best. A lesser man might have laughed at the spectacle I'd made of myself, screaming at no one in in the middle of a school where half the people in my class believed I had been away to be treated for a psychiatric disorder, but Jasper merely looked concerned.

"Are you all right?" he asked me softly, and I wanted so badly to say no, to just tell the truth and let him comfort me, but I couldn't do that anymore, it wasn't fair to him.

"Look, Jasper," I began tiredly, ignoring the part of my brain that was screaming at me not to do this, that it was the most idiotic of all the stupid mistakes I'd made. "You said - that night, before the accident, when you explained why you saved me…you said you'd be there for me as long as I needed you. Well, I don't need you anymore, and honestly, it kind of hurts to have you around. I mean, nothing against you personally, but it just keeps it all fresh, you know?" I tried hard not to look directly into Jasper's face, because I knew how cruel I was being and I wasn't sure that if I knew how much pain he was in I would be able to believe I was doing the right thing. Instead, I focused on a point over his shoulder, and heard his next words as if from far away.

"I know. I…I'm so sorry. I should never have stayed."

_No, no, no! _My heart screamed, as the last unbroken pieces fragmented at the sound of his suffering. _Yes_, my head nodded.

He leaned forward then, grasping my shoulders firmly in his two beautiful hands, and I could see the pain burning in those eyes like fierce golden suns. His cool lips brushed my cheek, and I felt my eyes drift shut, unable to bear the agony any longer. When I opened them next, he was gone.

______________________

I won't say that night was the worst night of my life, because nothing could ever match the night I lost Edward, but it was definitely the worst since I'd returned to Forks. I stared at the ceiling with red eyes and for hours and hours, wondering if I'd made the decision, torturing myself with the alternatives until I thought I would go insane.

And yet, buried somewhere beneath all the pain and the guilt and the regret, there was a small part of my mind able to recognize that I'd done the right thing. It hurt right now, and it might still hurt next week, next month, over even next year, but I had to put Jasper's happiness first. He couldn't possibly be content babysitting me for the rest of my pathetic existence, and I knew instinctively that if I didn't back out now, I would never let him go. For once in my life I was doing the right thing, the selfless thing.

Still, as much as I knew logically that this made sense, a sliver of senseless, destructive hope remained; I left the window open.

**Jasper**

I stood stock still beneath the tree that granted easy access to Bella's window, filled with such an intense and unfamiliar longing that I was afraid to move.

More than anything, I just wanted the chance to speak with her, to decipher the nuances of her face. She was like a puzzle I was determine to solve, but every time I thought I had the answer the pieces changed, rearranged themselves, multiplied.

I could understand why she would theoretically want me out of her life - it was too painful, a grim reminder of the love she'd lost - what confused me was that I'd never picked up any of those signals from her. Excluding those few days in Italy, which we never talked about, she'd always seemed, if sad, at least at peace in my presence, and I'd wrongly assumed that she'd felt towards me as I felt did toward her. Being around her, while it didn't make the pain go away, seemed to soothe it a little, like a mother's cool breath upon a child's skinned knee.

Still, if this was what she wanted, I would honor it. I would be selfless, and ignore the pain I felt at the prospect of never seeing her again. If Bella Swan no longer wanted me in her life, I would step aside without a word of protest.

Even if it killed me.

**A/N: I apologize if this chapter's kinda all over the place, I didn't really get struck by inspiration until about halfway through it. **

**So…what do you think? I'm dying to know your reactions to this chapter, so please leave a review and let me know how you feel about it! I noticed the other day that 128 people have this on Story Alert, yet I generally get at the most 15 reviews per chapter. What's up with that?! I'm not going to try and hold you hostage for reviews or anything, but if you're reading this story and you haven't weighed in on it yet, please take the time to click on that button and tell me what you think! Fanfiction is the only type of writing I can think of where you actually have the chance to influence the author during the writing process, so you should take advantage!**

**Okay, rant over. I hope you guys enjoyed this super-long chapter (for me, at least). :D**


	20. Trouble

**WARNING: Assault; sexual references.**

**Bella**

I survived the next day on autopilot. My body went through the motions, but my brain had checked out, gone AWOL. I reverted to the numb zombie-like state in self defense, and it was a blessed relief not to have to feel the pain which I had come to believe was too much for any soul to bear.

I zoned out for most of gym class, miraculously managing to escape to the locker room unhurt but for the throbbing pain in my thigh. Wincing, I wriggled out of my uniform and was just about to change back into my jeans and sweatshirt when I heard a locker slam shut on the other side of the room, and froze.

I was the last one in the room, I was sure of it. Angela, the second to last, had lingered by the door out of kindness, but I distinctly remembered telling her to go ahead, that I was going to be a while. Slowly, my heart pounding, I turned around, and what I saw made my blood curdle with fear.

Standing on the other side of the locker room were two boys whose names I did not know, and both were so tall and brawny I would not have recognized them as students if it weren't for the football jackets they both wore like badges of honor. One was dark and the other was fair, but they wore identical leering expressions. Clutching my sweatshirt to my chest, I tried my best to remain calm, and asked what I felt was a very reasonable question.

"What are you doing in the girl's locker room?"

**Jasper **

I felt it before I knew it; Bella was in trouble.

It was strange, because I had never been particularly sensitive to what was going on outside of my immediate surroundings. That had always been Alice's area of expertise. Still, at that moment I forgot that I was packing to leave, I forgot that I had said my last goodbye to Bella last night, I forgot everything except for the feeling of my hackles rising, the restlessness that had plagued me since last night finally solidifying into a form which I could understand; I set off for Forks High at top speed.

**Bella**

They laughed, and I saw something predatory in the glints of their teeth, the way they drifted nonchalantly toward the exits. Adrenalin should have taken over then, should have forced me to try and flee, but I was frozen against the wall, unable to move or speak or think. They grinned broadly in the face of my fear, and I felt my bare back come in contact with equally bare metal; I was trapped.

Well, if they thought I was going to go down easily, they were in for the shock of their lives. Flight no longer an option, I raised my chin high and chose the only path left to me; I chose to fight.

"Touch me and I'll scream," I warned them, trying to stall for time as I searched for the cold outline of my keys in the pocket of my sweatshirt. They simply laughed again, and to my acute horror I heard the door to the locker room clang shut.

"Scream all you want; no one will hear you now," the dark-haired one stated calmly. "Sounds like your last chance of escape just locked up for the night."

I shrank against the locker frame, trying not to let my face reflect my terror. They had me right where they wanted me now, and there was nothing I could say to deny it, but I'd be damned if they thought they'd broken me already. Clutching my sweatshirt to my chest, my fingers finally closed around the jagged edges of my house keys, and I held them so tight they cut into my hands, taking care to keep my face cold and unfeeling.

"Here's what you're going to do," I told them boldly, my free hand forming a fist unconsciously. "You're going to apologize for scaring me, and then you're going to turn around and leave this place and never bother me or anyone else again. And if you don't do that, if you so much as even _think _about harming me or anyone else ever again, so help me, you will be sorry. You know who I am. You know who my father is. And I may look like an easy target now but I swear to God if you lay a finger on me I'll tell him everything, and the easygoing Chief of Police you've known your entire life will disappear and be replaced by a man who shoots first and asks questions later. So unless you want to die, I suggest you back away slowly."

The two of them looked at me disbelievingly. "Do you have any idea what she's talking about?" asked the fair one of his friend.

"Not a clue," replied the dark-haired one shortly, before turning back to me. "Listen, girl," he addressed me, "we're from the next town over. We just dropped in to kick your team's pathetic ass and then we'll be going on our merry way. So I suggest you just relax and enjoy the ride; we'll try to make it as painless as possible."

"Unless you fight," the blonde one chimed in sycophantically. "If you fight, this will hurt."

Anger such as I'd never known before raced through my veins like liquid ice; unable to find words, I let loose a snarl that wasn't completely human. Baring my teeth like a cat, I assumed a boxer's stance.

"Bad decision," the fair one warned, but he smiled, and I could tell that he would enjoy this, that he hadn't really expected me to go quietly. The realization only served to infuriate me further, and my nails bit into my palms hard enough to draw blood.

"The pretty ones are always the hardest," joked the other one, shaking his head, a feverish glint already coming into his eyes. They began arguing about who would have me first, and I seized the only chance I would get.

Screaming like a banshee, I threw my sweatshirt into the face of the dark-haired one, who seemed quicker, and leapt with surprising agility over the bench that ran down the center of the room. Evading the blond one's grasp by a hair's breadth, I tore down the narrow hallway in in search of the exit I knew was hiding somewhere in the maze of benches and lockers. Before I could spot the sign, however, I felt something catch hold of my ankle and I went down, hard. Twisting around, I saw a blond face, winded but smirking expectantly, and, still acting on pure instinct, lashed out with my foot. He roared in pain and let go; I struggled to my feet and came face to face with the dark-haired one, who seized me roughly by the arms and slammed me against the nearest wall, ignoring my cries of pain.

"You'll be sorry you made my friend bleed," he said viciously, and, pressing his body against mine so that there was no hope of escape, let his hand skim down my waist, slide smoothly over my lower belly -

"No, I don't think she will," I heard a furious voice mutter. Distracted, my attacker looked around briefly and before I knew it the world had erupted. When it was over, I stood silent and shaking amid the wreckage, the cool air of the locker room raising goosebumps on my barely-clad body, and found myself face to face with a vampire whose undeniable bloodlust was now directed at me.

"J-jasper?" My voice sounded small and insignificant compared to the howls of rage and torment that had ripped themselves from Jasper's chest. For the first time since my ill-fated eighteenth birthday party, I felt afraid of remaining in his presence.

And then he blinked and all the rage left him. He became just my Jasper again, difficult and lovely and sweetly, strangely human. "Bella," he replied, and his voice was full of such pain that I couldn't help but make the same mistake twice. Stumbling forward, I noted with disbelief that he was also moving in my direction, and, sobbing uncontrollably, I fell without preamble into his cool, safe arms.

He hugged me hesitantly at first, unsure of my reaction, but when I buried my head against his icy chest and screamed as loud as I could, he seemed to take that as a signal that we could no longer remain here. Lifting me up as easily as if I were a feather, he carried me lightly into the other room and set me down gently on my own two feet. When I refused relinquish my death-grip on his neck, he sighed and helped me gingerly back into my gym shorts, seeming to recognize that jeans would be too much of a feat for even a vampire to accomplish at the moment. Sitting down on the bench that I had jumped over only moments before, he leaned down and snatched my sweatshirt off the floor without me ever having to stop clinging to his neck. Then came the hurdle of actually getting it onto my twitching torso.

"Bella," he addressed me calmly, and without knowing why I let out a wail at the sound of my name; I had ceased to function as a rational being and become a creature of feeling. "Bella," he repeated slightly more firmly, and reached up with both hands to detach my arms from around his neck. I didn't want to let go of him and I acquiesced without grace, my mind full of leftover fear and loathing as he quickly slipped my sweatshirt over my head, looking everywhere but at my exposed breasts, which were protected only by a thin sheath of white lace; laundry day. My mind still hazy, I somehow managed to get my arms into the sleeves, and Jasper, my bag over one shoulder, lifted me up again with ease, carrying me past the broken bodies of the men who had tried to hurt me and had come up against much, much more than they bargained for.

I don't remember much of the ride home, but I do know that I spent it curled up against Jasper's side and that my sobs began to slow somewhere between the post office and my driveway. I remember him scrawling a note in a perfect imitation of my handwriting for Charlie, but as to what it said, I didn't have the faintest clue. And I remember him tucking my into my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin and hesitating as he stood over my already drowsy form, a look of intense pain upon his face. At the moment, however, I was too far gone to care about his pain. I felt a raw need for him that surpassed any desire to be considerate of his feelings. "Stay," I begged, two tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes, and without a word or pause he climbed onto my bed and cradled me in his arms like a child until, at last, I slept.

**Jasper **

I could have killed them for what they did to her. In fact, I almost did. The only thing that stopped me from snapping their necks outright was the fact of Bella's presence. No matter what she'd say to assuage my doubts when she was in her right mind again, I knew that murdering the two boys, even if they deserved it, would change the way she looked at me forever. Instead, I chose to merely give them the beating of their lives and left an anonymous tip with the police station that persuaded several girls in the county over to come forward and identify the bastards, who were then arrested the moment they were discharged from the hospital. While justice is very often blind, vengeance is sweet, and I felt confident that those two would never hurt other innocent girl again, considering the, er, _modifications _that I enacted upon their anatomy. But all that was secondary, and paled in accordance with the reality of Bella sleeping soundly in my arms, the sweet whuffling noises she made when she slept captivating all of my attention.

Studying her face, I was fascinated by her small, delicate nose; the way the dark shadows of her eyelashes contrasted sharply with her sweeping cheekbones, and how the rich hue of her cupid's bow lips was complemented perfectly by the rosy blush that was constantly staining her creamy, soft-as-satin skin. Her drastic short dark hair only amplified her already striking features, and looking at her now, I could no longer deny that she was beautiful.

Ashamed, I hung my head, mentally chastising myself for thinking such thoughts only hours after she'd suffered such a horrible ordeal. The fact that her innocence had nearly been stolen from her in a moment of selfish passion only made it that much more vital to protect, and I vowed that as long as I lived, whatever the personal cost, I would never let her be threatened in that or any way ever again.

I was distracted from my determined musings by a sound emanating from the precious girl I held in my arms. When I first heard it, I was sure that my ears had been deceived, even though I knew that my enhanced vampire hearing would never mislead me. Then I heard it again, and I froze, unable to move in even the most minimal, automatic way; I stopped breathing and waited against all odds to hear it again, paralyzed by fear and loss and longing.

"Jasper…my Jasper."

**A/N: Thank you, thank you so much to all my lovely readers, especially the ones who made it all the through this chapter; I know it was hard but I had to do it, and if you got to the end I think you'll understand why. I am so grateful for the response to this story, and not sure if I made it clear enough in my last author's note that every review means the world to me. I never expected this story to be the least bit popular, in fact I almost deleted it a few hours after the first chapter, but was encouraged enough by the reviews I got to continue. Thanks for everything, and please continue to motivate me; without the awesome reviews for the last chapter I may not have posted this for another week. Also, if you're reviewing anonymously and you want an answer to your question, please leave your email address so I can respond, otherwise I'm powerless! **

**Thanks again, for everything. **


	21. Breakfast

**Bella**

That night was the best night of sleep I'd had in a long time.

Undisturbed by nightmares or insomnia, I slept soundly and awoke very early the next morning, when the night was just beginning to fade. I could no longer feel stone arms around me; protecting me from harm, and I had a moment of panic before I rolled over and saw that Jasper was perched calmly on the window sill, staring out into the coming day. He looked over and a smile graced his angel's face at the sight of me.

"Good morning," he greeted me softly, and went back to staring serenely out into the darkness. I did not know what to say and just blurted out the first thing that entered my mind, a stupid move for anyone but a terrible one for awkward, bumbling me.

"What are you doing all the way over there?" I asked before my brain caught up to my mouth, and then blushed, realizing how that sounded.

Jasper's eyebrows shot up, and I hurried to correct my mistake.

"I only mean...I went to sleep, and when I woke up you weren't there, which scared me..." Okay, I wasn't making this any better. In fact, I needed to stop before I started babbling even more incoherently than I was now. "Oh, just ignore me, I'm traumatized," I finished in a rush. Sneeking a peek at Jasper through my eyelashes, I was happy to see that he definitely looked amused rather than offended; in fact, he let out a small laugh at whatever expression was on my face at the moment, and I forgot to even blush, losing myself instead in the music of his laugh...I didn't think he'd ever laughed in my presence before, and it was the most enchanting sound I'd ever heard. It took Jasper's next words to bring me back to reality.

"You're extremely amusing when you're trying not to be, Bella," he informed me cheerfully, his eyes twinkling. I scowled, and he laughed again, which caused a grudging smile to appear on my face. Then his face turned abruptly serious.

"Are you...all right?" he asked me softly, seeming to struggle with how to phrase his question. I knew he was only inquiring as to my physical well-being, but the question forced me to stop and take stock of what I honestly felt at the moment. And I was surprised, because what I mostly felt was...happy.

Sure, there was still un undercurrent of sadness to my mood - it'd be more shocking if I _wasn't _sad, considering the fact that I'd just lost the love of my life less than two months ago...but overriding that sadness was overwhelming relief and euphoria. I was safe, Jasper had made sure of that...then I felt a stab of pain in my chest, realizing that he probably wasn't planning on staying. I'd wounded him with my harsh words the day before, but once he got over the pain and this ridiculous duty he felt he had towards me, I was sure he'd want to leave. I felt my face fall rather tragically at that and tried to cover it up with a broken smile, but Jasper's quick eyes registered my distress before I had a chance to hide it.

"Bella?" His voice was low, soft, concerned. I cursed inwardly, wanting to keep him around but knowing it would only be worse for the both of us if I dragged this out, and forced my eyes to meet his.

All my resolve left me the second I laid eyes on his hopeful face. No matter what I did, I would hurt him....feeling the tears start to bloom in the corners of my eyes, I turned away so he wouldn't have to watch me cry.

It was too late. Abandoning his position on the window sill, Jasper went from halfway across the room to crouched on the bed beside me in the space of a heartbeat. Catching hold of my wrists gently, he held my gaze fast to his and refused to let me go.

"Bella," he began in a low, furious voice. "Bella, you cannot begin to comprehend how sorry I am that what happened in the locker room yesterday was allowed to escalate that far. I know you told me to leave, but I should have been there, I should have made sure you were okay. There are no excuses - what happened yesterday was my fault. And if you want me to track down and kill those bastards who tried to hurt you yesterday, I swear I'll do it - just say the word."

Jasper's eyes were blazing with a fiery light the likes of which I'd never seen. My mouth had fallen open sometime during his impassioned speech, and when I tried to speak, all that came out was a small squeak. Thankfully, Jasper did not continue, but maintained his half-kneeling position by my bed, my wrists still grasped in his large and beautiful hands. At last, I managed to articulate what I was feeling at the moment.

"Jasper," I addressed him, "do me a favor and never say that again."

His eyes still locked on mine, Jasper waited, frozen as if I had not yet spoken. Ignoring him, I continued.

"What happened yesterday was _not _your fault, and while you have no idea how glad I was that you showed up at that exact moment, what happens to me is not your responsibility. You've already saved my life more times than I can count. You just need to let go of whatever guilt you feel and leave before I ruin your life...more than I already have, anyway." I bowed my head at that moment, fighting bravely against the tears that threatened to obscure my vision. When I looked up, Jasper no longer looked frozen. He looked voraciously angry, his eyes blazing and his face even harder-looking than usual. Angry enough so that, even though I trusted him completely, I shrank back a little in unconscious fear.

"Why didn't you _tell me that?" _he hissed, obviously struggling to control his voice. I blinked, not expecting that reaction, and breaking eye contact, he let go of my wrists and swore loudly before striding over to the window.

"I...I'm sorry. I guess I just thought it would be better if you thought I didn't want you around...I wanted you to be able to make a clean break. Get on with your life, y'know," I finished lamely, because I really didn't know. If I'd understood how to make a clean break I wouldn't have spent months clinging to the memory of Edward like a lifeline, refusing to live my life...that line of thought might have sent me into a depression if I hadn't been distracted then by Jasper suddenly spinning around to face, face livid, moving jerkily at half-human, half-vampire speed.

"A clean break?!" he nearly screamed, barely bothering to control his voice anymore. "A clean break! Oh, Bella," he laughed humorlessly, "You are so exceptionally deluded."

I simply sat, shocked into silence, waiting, while Jasper fumed.

"A clean break? Very funny, Bella," he complimented me, his eyes flashing. "Nothing about this situation is _ever _going to be that easy, so I suggest you let go of the ludicrous notion that I can suddenly walk away without a backward glance. My heart may no longer beat, but it does exist," he assured me.

I tried to speak, to tell him that I'd never thought of him as heartless, but he plowed on, relentless.

"You know what Alice meant - means - to me. You know that my life was nothing before she found me. And I thought that you understood that. I thought that you felt much the same way about Edward, excluding our different circumstances."

He paused, his eyes searching mine, and I wanted so badly to tell him that I understood, that I knew what he was going through because I felt it, too, but I was suddenly mute. No matter how I tried, the words wouldn't come, and I watched helplessly as a look of resignation came into Jasper's eyes.

"I guess I was wrong," he stated with an awful finality, and turned back toward the window, and I knew that he was leaving for good this time, and strangely, the only thought that echoed in my mind as he walked toward the sill was this:

_If I let him leave my room now, I will never hear him laugh again._

The thought was unbearable to me, and, determined that he should not leave, I let out a soft cry and threw myself wantonly across the room. I'm quite sure that I would have broken something else had Jasper's reflexes not saved the day once again. I found myself lying in a tangled heap in his arms, staring up into those golden eyes that were once again burning with pain and fury. I scrambled to stand up and selfishly threw my arms around Jasper.

"Don't go," I pleaded, not caring or even conscious of how crazy I must have looked in that moment, still dressed in yesterday's clothes with what little hair I had mussed and sticking up in every possible direction. "I need you. I'm sorry. Please...don't go."

Jasper didn't move for a moment; his face seemed to be at war with itself, a thousand different emotions flickering across in the space of a breath...and then, unexpectedly, his face broke out into a fierce, triumphant smile.

"Bella Swan." (He seemed to relish the sound of my name; I liked it better too, coming from his lips.) "Do you ever make up your mind?"

And then, without warning, he wrapped his arms around and crushed me to his cold stone chest.

________________

I don't know how long we held each other; it felt like a long time that I stood there with my arms wrapped loosely around his neck, my face buried against his chest. His encircled my waist and came to rest lightly on my lower back. I let my eyes drift shut and simply listened to the sounds of the waking birds, not letting myself think, only feel. My heart rate slowed and my chest rose and fell with ease, all traces of the hole gone for the moment, and I realized it was the most whole I'd felt in a long time.

Eventually, though, it had to end, like all things human do, and you can rest assured that it ended in the mundane possible: with the growling of my stomach. Jasper lifted his head, startled, and I laughed at the concerned expression on his face.

"It's just my stomach announcing it's time for breakfast," I informed him, unable to keep a grin from spreading across my face. I hadn't smiled in so long that it literally felt unfamiliar, and I resolved to work on that, because a smile graced Jasper's face as well as he realized his mistake.

"Can I cook for you?" he asked, excitement lighting up his face the prospect. I bit my lip, think of Charlie, and how it would look if he found Jasper in my kitchen at twenty past seven in the morning.

"Don't worry, I'll be quiet," Jasper assured me, interpreting my worried look correctly. A reluctant grin returned to my face at that, because he just looked so damned happy, like a little boy on Christmas morning, and there was simply no way to deny him.

"All right, all right," I gave in easily, chuckling. "Do you even know how to cook?"

He grinned like the devil. "No..." he admitted, releasing me finally. "But I'm sure I can figure it out!" he called out behind him as he headed for the door. I shook my head a little, still smiling, and made my way into the bathroom to take a shower.

Thirty minutes later I made my way downstairs, dressed simply in jeans and a white button-down, and gasped at the rich smells assaulting my senses. My jaw dropped as I walked into the kitchen, and my first thought was that Jasper had officially lost his mind.

Sitting on the table was a stack of pancakes about ten inches tall, positively dripping with butter and syrup. Beside it was a platter of scrambled eggs that appeared to have been seasoned with pepper and cheese, so that they resembled some sort of gargantuan omelet. Sitting next to that was an equally ridiculous plate of bacon and sausages, and glancing over at the skillet I saw that Jasper was now frying up some hash browns. Seeing me staring, he said straight-facedly, "Think this will be enough?"

I couldn't help it; I burst into hysterical laughter despite the fact that Charlie was still sleeping upstairs - or so I thought. Leaning against the wall for support, I saw Charlie lumbering downstairs in a bathrobe and instantaneously froze.

I don't know what went through my head at that moment. Maybe I thought I could actually blend into the drywall if I concentrated hard enough. At any rate, Jasper saw me slumped uselessly against the wall and took action.

"Chief Swan!" he proclaimed upon Charlie's entrance, smiling so broadly it almost hurt my eyes. "Please, have a seat! I know Bella doesn't drink coffee but I've heard you take yours black with two sugars, is that right?"

My father simply stood there dumbfounded, his jaw slack, for what felt like forever. Jasper kept talking, seemingly oblivious to the extreme awkwardness of the situation, and although I knew that he could truthfully sense Charlie's emotions far more accurately than I could, I still felt a growing discomfort as the minutes dragged on and Charlie simply stood there, framed in the doorway, the look of a man who cannot comprehend what he is seeing etched upon his face.

"Bella invited me over for breakfast, I hope that's all right with you," Jasper lied smoothly, emptying the hash browns onto yet another oversized plate. "I thought I'd do this while she was getting ready and surprise her, as a sort of thank you for being my friend during all of this." His voice was so earnest and happy that I nearly believed him myself, but the look on Charlie face was still one of resolute disbelief. "I've hardly ever cooked, but you're welcome to try anything and everything you like, I sort of doubt Bella can finish all of this herself!" And then, apparently completely at ease, Jasper began to hum while he worked, carrying the last plate to the table and beginning to tidy up his working space.

Charlie gave his head a little shake then, and looked at me with eyebrow's raised, as if to say, _is this insanity all right with you? _Human chameleon that I presently was, I still managed to give him an encouraging nod, and he seemed to take that as confirmation enough. Walking over to the table, he plunked himself down and calmly took the cup of coffee Jasper was holding out to him, sipping it serenely from time to time.

Shocked speechless, I saw down at the table and stared mutely at a spot on the wall above Charlie's head. Catching my eye, Jasper gave me a small, almost imperceptible wink, and starting dishing out breakfast, starting with one of his enormous fluffy pancakes.

I soon discovered that everything was very good; though not perfect: a few of the sausages were burnt and the eggs tasted a tad rubbery at times. The pancakes, however, were divine, as were the hash browns and bacon, and I flashed Jasper a quick but well-deserved thumbs-up as Charlie, with a _what the hell _expression, dug in. I found myself liking the fact that not everything was perfect - the fact that Jasper could make mistakes showcased more of his strange and compelling humanity, or so I felt. It's possible I was just reading far too much into a couple of mildly overdone sausages, but I liked it just the same.

When our awkward but delicious breakfast was over and Charlie had changed and left for work, I got up and hugged Jasper firmly around the midsection.

"Thank you," I said, looking up at him with shiny eyes, "for the best breakfast anyone's ever had."

He replied with a smile and gently detached himself, gesturing to the mess of dishes that now filled the sink. I offered to help and he obliged without a word. Working together, the two of us had the kitchen sparkling about five minutes. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was now time to go to school, and looked at Jasper without a question in my eyes.

"Are we going?" he asked, and I thrilled at the sound of the _we. _Still, I was a little nervous at the prospect of school, considering what had happened yesterday.

Jasper read my expression correctly once more and, taking a step toward me, laid his palm on the side of my face. "Don't worry," he assured me, "I'll be there."

**A/N: OH GOD, THE FLUFF! I CAN'T STAND IT! AHHHHHH!**

**Just kidding, I liked writing it. Truly, I did. But at the same time, don't expect too much of it from the "Queen of Angst" as one reviewer dubbed me. I enjoyed that, btw. In fact, maybe I'll make it my new pen name...**

**Regarding the last chapter - 30 REVIEWS OMG WUAAGH!**

**Sorry. I just couldn't believe it. Thank you so much/keep it up, please!!**


	22. Realization

**Jasper **

In the end, it didn't really matter that I felt like my head was imploding. All it took was a single grateful glance upward through dark quivering lashes, and I was powerless. Bella needed me, and that was that.

I felt no apprehension when we pulled up to Forks High; I neither knew nor cared what any of those children thought. Then I looked over at Bella and saw the expression on her face, like she was psyching herself up to be tortured, and I impulsively grabbed her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. She offered me a tentative but dazzling smile and returned the pressure before dropping my hand and climbing out of the car like the fearless girl I secretly suspected her to be.

We walked together through the front doors, and I congratulated myself on stalling Bella by allowing her to help me clean; most people had already left for class, and the few that were left were intimidated enough by my presence not to risk glancing at us for more than a moment. Bella squared her shoulders and made to bravely stride off for her first period class. Smiling slightly and making no effort to be quiet, I followed her. Hearing my footfalls on the tile behind her, she turned around and a bemused expression settled on her face.

"Um…what are you doing?" she asked, utterly confused, and although I wanted to tease her some more, we were already late and I hated to see her look so lost.

"Bella, did you really think I was going to leave you alone after what happened yesterday?" Her mouth was actually hanging open. How adorable. "Come on," I told her, taking her hand again, "we're late for class."

She managed to close her mouth and allowed me to lead her along. When we got to her first period English class, however, I dropped her hand, not wanting to embarrass her. She shot me a grateful smile and adjusted her bag before pushing the door open.

Unfortunately, the teacher was in the middle of a lecture at that point and every head swiveled around at the sound of Bella's entrance. I prepared myself for Bella to suddenly flee from the room, but she surprised me once again. Cheeks burning, she picked her way though the mess of chairs, and, finding her seat, began to unpack her books. I tried to follow, but the teacher called out from his desk, "Now wait just a minute, young man."

I managed not to roll my eyes and turned around carefully. "Yes, sir?" I replied, the picture of politeness.

The teacher's eyes were narrowed. I recognized his face but did not recall his name; I'd never cared much for the Cullen charade and had therefore only ever put forth the minimum effort in school. "You're not in my class."

I bit back a smile at this most obvious of statements. "No sir. I'm visiting with Bella. May I go sit down now?"

He still looked suspicious, but I could already tell he didn't care enough to pursue the matter further. Shrugging, he turned back to the board and his lecture. I assumed myself to be dismissed and went to sit down next to Bella. She smiled and went back to her notes. Fascinated, I watched her write.

Bella looked very intense when she concentrated. She bit her bottom lip and leaned over the desk. One hand reached up, presumably to tangle in her hair, but then she caught herself and just ran her hand over her head. Her eyes narrowed at something the teacher said, and I wanted very badly to reach over and smooth out the furrow in her brow.

Glancing over, Bella caught me staring, and if I could have blushed, I probably would have at that point. She was disarmingly attractive when she focused, and I, the century-old vampire, had actually allowed myself to be distracted by that.

_What, _she mouthed, and I had to refrain from staring at her lips. God, what was wrong with me that I couldn't stop staring at a girl who had been attacked less than 24 hours before? Maybe I shouldn't be around Bella after all…but then I remembered the last time I tried to leave her, and my silent heart rebelled.

Looking up, I realized that Bella was still waiting for an answer. I smiled woodenly and shook my head, feeling troubled.

________________

Class was one thing, but lunch was another ordeal entirely, I decided as Bella and I walked into the cafeteria. Immediately, all eyes were on us, and I knew that if I intervene we would soon be devoured like a piece of meat dangled in front of a swarm of piranhas. Laying a quiet hand on the small of Bella's back, I guided her gently over to an empty table, purposefully choosing one that was out of the way but not secluded enough to appear suspicious. I held out a chair for her to take a seat, which caused her to raise her eyebrows. I did my best to act like a gentleman, but I did not have Edward's impeccable manners, and it seemed Bella had noticed.

"Thanks," she said wryly, taking a seat.

"I'll go get you some lunch," I muttered, embarrassed, and walked off before she could protest.

Needless to say, the lunch line at Forks High parted for me like the red sea before Moses, and I was back at Bella's side in under five minutes, carrying a trendy-looking wrap I would never dream of consuming even if I was human, an apple, a salad, a plate piled high with some sort of indefinable muck advertised as lasagna, and a Coke.

Bella's eyes widened when she saw all the food. "What's all this?" she asked me, frowning.

"I um, don't know what you like," I admitted, sitting down beside her.

One delicate eyebrow shot up. "So you decided to bring the entire cafeteria?"

I had to laugh. "Sorry."

She smiled. "That's okay, I appreciate the thought. Also, I'm not sure I could have survived the lunch line today. Looks like you're my knight in shining armor once again," she added lightly, picking up the Coke.

I felt uncomfortable, "Bella, if you want to talk about yesterday - "

She cut me off with a vigorous shake of her head. "No. Thank you, but no. As far as I'm concerned, it's in the past now. Ancient history."

She sounded flippant, but I noticed her hand trembling slightly and knew that she was not as at ease as she was trying to pretend. Feeling annoyed at myself for bringing it up, I cast around for a new topic and came up with the lasagna.

"What do you think is in that?" I asked, indicating the mess of red-brown slop. Bella laughed, and the tension was broken. Despite having already discerned the ingredients with my supernatural sense of smell, I had no idea why anyone would use them in conjunction with each other, and said so. Bella and I then spent an enjoyable fifteen minutes with her guessing at the ingredients and me either affirming or denying. When that lost its fun, we started discussing the cook's motivations.

"You really think she's attempting to poison us?" Bella gasped, still clutching her sides after a fit of laughter. I laughed too, not because whatever I'd said was all that amusing but simply because it made me euphoric to see her so happy, a healthy blush back in her cheeks and the ever-present dark circles under eyes faded almost into nonexistence. Casting a glance over at the bulbous lunch lady, who was currently chastising some freshman for accidentally spilling his milk on the counter, I could not deny that she cut a rather intimidating figure.

"I wouldn't put it past her," I replied, not bothering to hide my grin.

"Yeah," Bella echoed, but a sad look came into her eyes as she considered the woman, prompting me to question her: "What?"

Bella bit her lip. "I was just wondering how she got to be a lunch lady."

I had no idea how to handle this new direction in our conversation, so I settled for a shrug. "How does anyone," I said, and was contemplating a subject change when I noticed tears shining in Bella's eyes.

"Bella?" I inquired anxiously, searching my mind for what could possibly have brought this on. I once again had the urge to reach out and touch her, to take hold of her chin and gently drag her eyes back to mine, and once again, I resisted. "What's wrong?" I asked instead.

Bella tore her gaze away from the wall and looked back at me. She no longer looked like she was about to cry, but her expression was still unbearably sad.

"I'm afraid I'm going to end up like her," she replied simply, bravely holding my gaze. I was so flabbergasted by this information that it took me a moment to come up with an appropriate or even any response, and in that time Bella continued.

"There's nothing special about me. I have no plans. I haven't even applied to college! I can't think of anything I want to do, because I have no talents. I'm completely ordinary, and that's how I'm going to stay, forever…" Bella stopped for breath at this point, glancing down at her hands, which were folded in her lap. "Edward was my plan," she whispered almost inaudibly. "Now…I have nothing."

A million thoughts were flashing through my head at the moment, but I couldn't let it show on my face. I had to reassure her, now, before these outrageous thoughts had a chance to cement themselves in her mind.

"Bella, look at me," I begged her urgently, and when she didn't respond, I cupped her chin softly and pulled it up so that she couldn't look away. "None of what you just said is true. Edward may be gone, but that doesn't change who you are, and Bella" (she was listening now, I could tell) "you are _anything _but ordinary."

The bell rang to signal the end of the lunch period, and I looked at Bella questioningly.

"Want to skip out on the rest of the day?"

She smiled, but shook her head. "I would, but I have way too much work to do if I wanna graduate in a month." An uncomfortable look came into her eyes. "You can go, though, if you're bored…"

I waved the ridiculous offer aside. "Boredom is the last thing anyone can feel in your presence, Miss Swan. You can't be bored when you're always wondering if your companion is about to trip over her own feet," I reassured her, casually catching her around the waist she stumbled over an uneven piece of tile.

She looked up at me and smiled so wide it looked like it may have hurt. "I guess not, Mr. Hale."

__________________

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Class slipped by much more quickly with Bella at my side than it ever had when I was alone. After school, we headed back to Bella's house, where I helped her a bit with her Calculus make-up work. Upon dissecting her Animal Farm essay, we got into a heated argument about communism vs. the free market.

"Bella, I have been alive for nearly two centuries," I told her calmly. "I know more than you'd think about history and the oppression of the poor. And let me tell you, communism is impossible to execute impartially."

"But what if it were?" Bella burst out passionately. "I mean, think about it. It's not fair for some people to have an elevated status compared to other people just because of who their parents were! Sometimes brilliant people are given awful opportunities just because they're poor. Tell me how that's fair, Jasper! Tell me!"

I was taken aback by how beautiful she looked at that moment, trembling with the power of the emotion she felt, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling. "It's not," I responded softly, then chuckled as an idea occurred to me. "Keep talking like that, though, and maybe you should consider law school."

"I could never be a lawyer, my sense of justice is too finely honed," Bella bit back acidly. I blinked, and my expression must have been comical, because Bella's anger suddenly dissipated and she threw herself into the chair opposite me, giggling. I cracked a smile as well; it was a mark of how non-ordinary Bella was that she could turn an innocent homework session into a fiery debate on politics.

"I'm sorry," she apologized when calm once more. "I got a little carried away."

"Don't mention it," I said grandly, and Bella smiled.

____________________

It wasn't until much later, when Charlie had come home, eaten dinner and gone to bed, after Bella and I decided to watch a movie and she ended up falling asleep curled up next to me on the couch, that I finally had the opportunity to think about everything that had transpired in the last few days. I thought of how much better I felt around Bella, how much easier it was to go even a few minutes without thinking of Alice and everything I'd lost. Then I thought of Bella's health, mental and physical, and wondered just how good it was for her to be around _me._ Sure, I felt better when she was around, but maybe it wasn't mutual. Maybe I did remind her of Edward and, instead of keeping her pain a bay, my presence made it linger close by, something that could never be fully escaped or ignored. And then there was the small matter of defining what she meant to me…I could no longer deny that I found her attractive, but that didn't mean anything, any sane man would…and then there was the slightly thornier problem of how I couldn't feel her emotions anymore. The only other that had ever had that effect on me was Alice, but maybe that didn't mean anything either. Maybe my ability simply didn't work on some people…but the more logical of my mind denied that alternative, saying hat I had never had any trouble discerning Bella's feelings before I got to know her…

Before I got to know her! That was the key! I had never had any problems understanding Alice's emotions, before I fell for her.

I froze, not wanting to fully realize what I had just admitted to myself, and at that point I heard I sound that both made my icy heart glow with warmth and shattered it into a thousand reflective shards.

Bella had said my name. She was dreaming about me again. I shook my head at this news, feeling distraught. Once was bad enough, but twice! It was all my fault. I had to leave now, before I could do any more damage.

Silently I stood up and carefully eased Bella's head onto the arm of the couch behind her. Unable to resist, I kissed her softly on the forehead.

"Sleep well, Bella," I whispered before I straightened up and stole out the door into the bright night, lit by the luminous glow of a full and somber moon.

**A/N: I'm on the fence about this chapter, I hope you guys liked it. JPOV is hard to write sometimes. Anyway, I now have internet at my Dad's so updates should be fairly frequent, seeing as I don't have to walk to the library every time I have to post. No promises, but one surefire way to inspire me is to review! Okay, thanks.**


	23. Lifeline

**Jasper**

My feet matched the pace of my racing mind as I sprinted for the only home I knew, ignoring the voice in my head that was screaming at me to stop running away, that Bella needed me, that I'd made a promise…I took the steps in a single bound, and seconds later I was on my knees in the room Alice and I had shared, flinging open the antique trunk that sat squarely at the foot of our bed. Rummaging through it, I quickly found what I was looking for and clutched it to my chest, which was wracked with dry and silent sobs.

It was a drawing of Alice, one of the last I'd made, and also the best. Done in charcoal as all my portraits were, it could not capture the sparkling sheen of her skin as she stood in the sun, but the smile on her face and the way her eyes lit up when she saw me were captured perfectly.

_Oh Alice,_ I thought bitterly, _what am I supposed to do?_

The answer came to me, not in words, but in an image, bright and clear. Preserved down to the minutest of details by my vampire memory, it was accompanied, as my inspirations often were, by a feeling I could not yet define. Setting aside the portrait of Alice, I picked up paper and charcoal and, with the picture in my mind obliterating all other thought, began to draw.

I drew first in sweeping lines, not fussing with the smaller points, trying to capture the general first and then moving on to the specific. The graceful curve of her jaw appeared first, followed by the delicate sweep of her long, thick hair, the shadow of her eyelashes against her smooth, pale cheek. The subtle angles of her small, delicate nose came next, and her sweet, unbalanced lips were last; I think I was afraid to draw them. The expression in her eyes was hard to get right, it was almost…wistful. The window in the background was the last thing I drew, but in the end it felt right to have her gazing out at the rising sun, like the hope of a new beginning…

The feeling the drawing evoked was present as I worked, and when I was finished, it was overwhelming. Sighing, I knew at last what I had been trying so hard not to realize, and setting the two drawings side by side on my desk, I set off for Bella's house, knowing that wherever she was, I too belonged.

**Bella**

_The pyre blazed high, and I watched in horror as the Volturi, intent on destruction, moved toward us with hungry eyes. Alice and Edward stood protectively in front of me, arms outstretched, identical snarls on their angel's faces. I may not have been Alice, but I knew what would happen if they tried to protect me, and I also knew that I would die either way. Realizing this, I frantically tried to dissuade them from becoming the architects of their own demise. Pulling at Edward's stone arm, I frantically begged him to spare his own life._

_"Edward, you have to go! If you stay, they'll kill you! Edward! Edward – listen to me-"_

_He did not respond, instead keeping his eyes focused on his intended target. Nearly screaming in frustration, I turned to Alice._

_"Alice! Alice, please! You know I love you like a sister, I won't let you die for me! Please, you have to go now – think of Jasper – PLEASE-"_

_Neither of them paid any mind to me. I was sure they were communicating silently, formulating some kind of game plan, and, with the Volturi spreading out, preparing to attack, I made one last, desperate play._

_Ducking under Edward's arm, I seized him by the shirt collar and frantically pressed my lips to his, hoping that it would shock him into action. At first, his lips were marble under mind, cold and unmoving, but then his trance broke and he was kissing me back, molding his lips to mine in ways he never had before. I could hear the Volturi laughing cruelly at our display, but I didn't care. If this was what it took to save Edward's life, I'd pay the price happily, and besides, it had been so long since he'd held me like this…_

_All too soon, he broke the kiss. Looking bravely into his eyes, I saw a wild look that had never been present before, and I knew he realized as well as I did that we were lost. With this in mind, I tried to kiss him again, thinking that if I had to die I might as well do it while in heaven, but Edward had other ideas. Swinging me onto his back, he gave a curt nod to Alice, who leapt into action at once, curling her lithe body into a perfect torpedo as she launched herself at the nearest Volturi guard. A wordless scream left my lips as I watched her hurtle through the air. She was so small, so helpless…but I never saw where she landed, because Edward had leapt upwards, reaching for the sky…_

_For a second that stretched into forever, I believed we had made it. I could see the dusky blue above me, and I believed my angel had sprouted wings…and then reality yanked us back to Earth. _

_Edward twisted in midair to catch me so that I would not be crushed beneath him, and I realized that one of the Volturi had caught him by the ankle just as he was about to clear the scene. I understood then that his plan had been to get me to safety on the rooftop, and then return to fight with Alice…and it might have worked, had it not been for that uncommonly fast guard._

_The next thing I knew I was cradled in Edward's arms, and his face, though furious, held no hint of despair. "I won't let them hurt you," he vowed as he swung me behind him and began to duel the guard. I backed against the wall and searched for something with which to spill my blood, anything to distract them for a few precious seconds – but before I could act, I heard a high-pitched female scream. My heart stopped, my eyes flew shut, and I huddled against the time-worn bricks, screaming with the little breath left in my lungs for the horror of living to end –_

"Bella! Bella! Wake up! Bella!"

My scream ended; my lungs were empty. On instinct, I sucked in enough breath to scream again, but was deterred by the presence of a cool hand across my mouth. They had me! Forgetting it was no use, I struggled and attempted to scream again, but stopped as soon as I realized that it was soft mattress rather than cold cement under my back…my eyelids fluttered, then flew open, and I was greeted by Jasper's anxious face.

Everything came rushing back. Unable to help myself, I burst into tears, and Jasper swept me up in his arms seemingly without a thought. Clinging to him like a lifeline, I sobbed brokenly into his chest. Even as he comforted me I could feel the ragged rise and fall of his chest, and I knew that I was his lifeline, too.

__________________

It didn't take much convincing on Jasper's part to make me skip school that day. To be honest, I had so much make-up work that it might be a better use of my time just to stay home and finish it all in one go. But we didn't spend the day studying. After a scribbled note to Charlie, I hopped in the passenger side of Emmett's old Jeep, ignoring the memories that threatened to overwhelm me as I remembered fleeing from James in this very same vehicle. We'd both agreed that any mention of our losses was taboo for the entire day. We were going to do our best to have a carefree, fun day that was devoid of the haunts of the past.

Cruising down the country road with the hood down and the sun shining fiercely above (Jasper said he was tired of hiding, and I didn't object, doubting anyone would notice his dazzling skin from the roadside, anyway), I noticed something that had never been apparent before, having never seen Jasper in the sunlight.

He saw me looking and I lowered my eyes, feeling embarrassed, but when I dared to look up again, I saw that his eyes were soft.

"Do my scars bother you?" he asked, and I saw a hint of hurt that he was trying to hide. Feeling terrible for looking away in the first place, I hurried to cover my mistake.

"Oh no, not at all! They just surprised me, is all," I told him honestly, glancing back at his bare arms. Now that I was used to it, I found that I quite liked the way the scars reflected the light off his skin. It was like he was made up of thousands of tiny prisms, all sending off bright rays of sun. "Your skin looks like a stained-glass window," I told him without thinking.

He was silent for a moment, and I feared I'd offended him. Then, to my shock, he threw his head back and let loose a raucous laugh. I smiled too, savoring the sound, and Jasper turned to me with a smile still gracing his glorious face.

"No one's ever compared my skin to a work of art before," he teased me, still grinning. Then his eyes went all soft again. "I quite like it," he admitted seriously, taking my hand. I laced my fingers with his, my heart suddenly racing for some reason I did not fully understand.

"Watch the road," I teased back, trying to lighten the moment. The next moment I was sure I'd imagined the strangeness between us as he smiled and turned back to the winding road.

____________________

When we reached the head of the trail, Jasper surprised me by taking a fully packed picnic basket out of the trunk. As I spluttered, he just gave me a knowing smile and walked off, _whistling. _Grumbling at him in my head, I followed.

Hiking with Jasper was surprisingly enjoyable. He didn't seemed to mind keeping to my pace, and he was perfectly capable of allowing me to scramble up steep hills and rock faces without worry twisting his face as Edward would have done. Using his name caused a shudder to go through me as always, but it wasn't as devastating as it had been before. I was getting better.

After about an hour, we climbed up over the top of a particularly steep hill to discover a stunning sight. Directly in front of us was a dazzling natural waterfall more than twenty feet high. It emptied into a limpid, wide pool that was diverted off to the side by the obstruction of a fallen tree. This explained both the depth of the pool and why we hadn't seen any sign of it on the way up. It was a warm day, and, laughing at this pleasant surprise, I started to unbutton my plaid shirt.

"Um, Bella?" I heard Jasper say from behind me. "What are you doing?"

I laughed again at the nervous tone in his voice and spun around, tossing my shirt at him. I wore a plain white tank top underneath, so it wasn't like I was exposed enough to be considered indecent. "Going for a swim, of course!" I replied joyfully, leaning down to unlace my boots.

Jasper just stood there looking dumfounded. His supernatural reflexes had enabled him to catch the shirt, but it didn't look like the rest of him had caught up to my sudden exuberance yet. Probably he was just afraid I was going to lose it again. No worried there, I thought as I peeled off my socks and unbuttoned my cargoes. I felt better than I had in ages, and I'd be crazy not to take advantage of that.

Climbing up onto the fallen tree, I let loose a scream that must have echoed halfway down the mountain and dove swiftly into the clear pool. It was like ice, naturally, but I didn't really mind. The shock of it actually felt good after being out of it for so long. I surfaced with ease and found myself loving the feeling of goose bumps on my skin. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so alive.

I heard Jasper mutter something behind me that sounded almost like an oath, and I turned around to chastise him for ruining my fun. What I saw, however, was not what I expected, and to be honest, it took my breath away.

Jasper was standing shirtless on the tree, his pants torn off at the knees, with a look of intense concentration on his face. His hard-muscled chest was not quite as scarred as his arms, but it was enough to turn him into a beautiful mosaic against the noon day sun, sparkling like a fallen angel with golden hair ablaze. I gasped as his muscles coiled and he sprang high into the blue, flipping several times before executing a perfect swan dive into the pool. His momentum should have slammed him right into the rocks at the bottom, but he managed to angle it so that his body barely skimmed beneath the water before he surfaced, looking very pleased with himself.

Still taken aback the effect his dive had had on me, I did the only thing that made sense in that moment: I reared my arm back, and, mustering all the strength I possessed, splashed him as hard as I could, in the face.

He wasn't expecting that, and even spluttered and coughed a bit as he treaded water, although I'm fairly sure he played up the effect it had on him for show. "Show-off," I grumbled under my breath, and from the devilish smile that spread across his face, I knew he had heard.

"We'll see about that, Miss Swan," he challenged, and sent a wave of water rolling my way.

__________________

We had a ridiculous amount of fun splashing each other and dunking our heads under the waterfall, and when that got old, we climbed out of the pool and stretched out on the warm rocks to dry off (both of us) and eat (me). Lying there, we spoke of anything and everything except the things that caused us pain; I told him of how much I missed hiking near Phoenix and he told me that he had always wanted to take the long ride on horseback to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. It was clear when he talked of horses that he had a lot of experience with them, and I asked him if he missed it.

"Sometimes," he admitted, his eyes far away. "I don't miss the South, though," he added harshly, wrenching his gaze back to mine. "Horses will always remind me of my time in the Army, and the South itself of slavery, and that a subject I try to avoid, if I can help it."

I was struck by the depth of emotion my question had evoked in him. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, laying a hand on his arm.

He looked back at me, and his expression was very gentle. "Don't be. As much as I'd like to forget, it's a part of me, just like these scars."

I shivered then, not from the cold but from the unbearable sadness in his voice, and he suddenly noticed my attire as if for the first time.

"We should get you dressed," he said, and I nodded, sensing the subject closed.

When I was one again warm and comfortable, clad in Jasper's shirt rather than my own still-damp tank top at his insistence (he'd turned away before I fully had the shirt in my grasp, and I'm sure if he could've, he would have been blushing), with my cargo pants and boots back on and the plaid shirt tied snugly around my waist, we set off down the mountainside toward the trailhead. When I asked Jasper if I could attempt to find the way back to the Jeep, he acquiesced easily enough, promising me one full hour before he would be forced to interfere and set me straight.

Emboldened by the prospect of finding my own way home, I set off at twice my usual pace and was halfway down the mountain in less than an hour. Unfortunately, I was also completely and hopelessly lost. Just as I was about to turn around and concede defeat, however, I tripped over a tree root and quite literally stumbled into a place I thought I'd never see again.

**Jasper**

I had thought Bella was all out of surprises for the day. It had made me happy when she hadn't been bothered by my scars, and scared the hell out of me when she started taking her clothes off, but this shock was nothing like the others.

It was getting the end of the time I'd agreed to let Bella lead, and although I knew we'd been drifting gradually west, it didn't bothered me unduly. If it got too late or Bella grew tired, I could get her back to the Jeep in about five minutes. But nothing, and especially not the pleasant strangeness of the day so far, could have prepared me for this.

Bella had lost her footing a little, and I rushed forward to catch her, but she steadied herself on her own. I became concerned when she didn't speak or continue walking. Moving closer, I saw that she was trembling violently.

"Bella?" I reached out to her, uncertain, and laid a hand on her shoulder. She flinched at my touch, and I drew back at once.

"Bella," I repeated, keeping a reasonable distance from her, although my instincts screamed to sweep her off her feet and run her straight back to the car.

She did not answer. Disturbed, I reached out to catch her elbow. At the feel of my touch, her eyelids fluttered, and she fainted into my arms.

**A/N: I would have had this chapter up much sooner, but the site was having problems. I apologize for the delay. I might not have received your review for the last chapter, so if I didn't respond, please don't take offense. Oh, and anonymous reviewers: I think a few of you left me your email address to respond within your review itself; you need to type it in the space above or the site will blank it out. Okay, thanks!**


	24. Fragile

**A/N: Because I'm pretty sure you wouldn't bother with an authors note after you read this chapter, I thought I'd mention it here: the site is still being stupid, so I haven't been able to respond to a lot of last chapter's reviews. Please don't think I don't appreciate them, and I'll get to them as soon as it lets me. Which reminds me, anonymous reviewers (I hate to keep harping on this, so if it bothers you I'm sorry), you need to leave your email in the space at the top where the site asks for it, otherwise I am physically unable to respond. Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: I borrowed some of Stephanie's prose for the first memory in this chapter; the second one is all me.**

**Bella **

It seemed Descartes was right. Some sadistic being in the sky had created me with the sole intent of torturing me until I lost my mind.

What else would explain why my feet had brought me back to the meadow – _our meadow_, I thought unconsciously – where Edward and I had first declared our love? It was too much. I felt myself sway and knew I was gone before my knees even buckled. The memories began to play out immediately, as though a reel in my head had been waiting to start…

_He raised his free hand and placed it gently on the side of my neck. I sat very still, the chill of his touch a natural warning – a warning telling me to be terrified. But there was no feeling of fear in me. There were, however, other feelings… _

_"You see," he said, "Perfectly fine."_

_My blood was racing and I wished I could slow it, sensing that this must make everything so much more difficult – the thudding of my pulse in my veins. Surely he could hear it. _

_"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," he murmured. He gently freed his other hand. My hands fell limply into my lap. Softly he brushed my cheek, then held my face between his marble hands. _

_"Be very still," he whispered, as if I wasn't already frozen. _

_Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat. I was quite unable to move, even if I'd wanted to. I listened to the sound of his even breathing, watching the sun and wind play in his bronze hair, more human than any other part of him._

_With deliberate slowness, his hands slid down the sides of my neck. I shivered, and I heard him catch his breath. But his hands didn't pause as they softly moved to my shoulders, and then stopped._

_His face drifted to the side, his nose skimming across my collarbone. He came to rest with the side if his face pressed tenderly against my chest._

_Listening to my heart. _

**Jasper**

She was so light – that's what I remember thinking. How little she seemed to weigh, how fragile her limbs. I had held her before, of course, but never like this. Never had I rocked her close to my chest, kneeling on the ground, while the daylight faded overhead, and known that if I could cry silent tears would be streaming down my cheeks, because I simply could not live without her.

**Bella**

_It was summer, the golden age of my life. Slightly ironic, considering it rained that summer in Forks more than any other year on record. But that was perfect for me, considering Edward's unique predicament. I remember one day in July we went to the beach – not La Push, of course, we weren't about to break the treaty – anyway, it was deserted, and I was sitting on the rocks, Edward making me laugh by tossing pebbles far out to sea. When I grew tired of that he came to sit by me, and as he wrapped his stone arms around me I remember thinking there was no place I'd rather be than here, shivering slightly from the rain and the mist, with this lovely being who deigned to call himself mine…_

I was fading and I knew it. Each thud of my chest felt measured, finite, and I recognized that my heartbeats were numbered. I wanted to wake up, to tell Jasper I was sorry. Would he tell Charlie I loved him? And Renee, oh Renee, she would blame herself for this. My poor mother, harebrained yet intuitive, erratic yet loving, would see my death as her fault for sending me to Forks. Truthfully, I didn't know why I was dying. If my heart was going to fail, it should have done it earlier, before life was worth living again. But try as I might, I couldn't keep my heart beating by sheer willpower. I felt Death's hands reach for me, and I was too weak to fight. Strangely, my last thought was not of Edward, but of Jasper, of the particular way he looked in the sun, his skin a work of art…just the image of his smiling face was enough to make my end peaceful, and I concentrated on that image as the rest of my consciousness began to slip away…

**Jasper**

I cradled her as her heartbeat slowed, my mind frozen by sheer unfeeling shock.

I must have checked her over for injuries at least a dozen times, but there was nothing. I kept hoping for her to awake, for this horrible nightmare to end, but she would not and it continued with no regard for me. I felt sick and my head spun, and although I knew that these sensations were only mental, it did not make them any less real. I felt as if I were dying rather than Bella, and I knew that I would give my life for hers without a thought, because it had no meaning if it did not include her, and she had so much left to give….I nearly screamed at the pain of it as I felt her heartbeat falter…and then, without warning, a solution sprang into my mind.

It would be without a doubt the most selfish thing I had ever done – if I could even do it, that was. Would I be able to without losing control? My frantic mind was unable to concentrate on more than one thing at a time, but I could still hear and in the end it was the space between her heartbeats that convinced me. She was going to die, I knew that, and I was sure it was not by choice…her body was betraying her, and although I did not know what was in her mind at that moment, I knew that life without her was a horror I did not want to face. I suppose it was the thought of the world without her that finally convinced me.

Crazed with terror and grief, I lowered my lips to her slender, white neck.


	25. Confession, Pt 1

**Jasper**

Kneeling this close to Bella, her scent was positively intoxicating. Time seemed to slow down for me, and my resolve weakened with each disparate heartbeat. My throat felt so dry I thought I would cry out from the pain of it, but I could not, would not think of Bella's blood as nourishment. Fighting my instincts, I focused on the task before me and settled on the spot directly below her delicate ear. My breath was on her neck, my cool lips brushing her pale skin…and then, unexpectedly, her heart regained its regular rhythm. Stunned, I drew back, and watched in frozen fascination as the blood rushed back to Bella's cheeks, making her skin rosy once more. She smiled faintly in her sleep and murmured my name, and I would have wept for relief had I been capable. In that moment she was not prey, nor I predator. We were simply Jasper and Bella, and I knew suddenly and with shocking certainty that I loved her more than anything in the world.

______________

I lifted her gently off the ground, not wanting to disturb her peaceful sleep, and ran her swiftly back to the Jeep, all thoughts of changing her forgotten. She appeared to be perfectly healthy now, and although my doubts were not completely assuaged, I knew it was possible I had overreacted, and she had never really been in mortal danger after all.

As I drove back to Forks, I couldn't resist stealing a glance at Bella every now and then. I'd tucked her flannel shirt under her head for comfort and she slept curled up on the seat next to me, her mouth slightly open. The last rays of the setting sun made her skin glow with warmth, and the wind rustled her shorn locks just as it played with the ends of my hair. I smiled, looking down at her, and carefully took her tiny palm in mine, so that when she awoke, she would not feel alone.

**Bella**

I had never believed in miracles, and essentially I still do not. But something took place that day that was beyond my understanding, and ever since I have fought to understand. Why should I be spared? What did I have to offer the world that Edward and Alice did not? I have no answers to these questions, but the fact of the matter is that I should have died that day. I should have died a hundred times in my life, and I have no doubt that someday I will. One person cannot go on being lucky forever; it is an empirical impossibility. But I have been wrong before. I have been nearly crushed by a car, broken by a sadist, murdered by an enemy, drowned. I have lived an eternity between heartbeats and stared Death in the face more times than I care to remember.

Still, I live.

__________________

When I opened my eyes it was dark, and I wondered absently if I had died after all. It didn't seem to matter much until I saw Jasper sitting by my bed and groaned. He was hovering over me in a heartbeat, his eyes full of concern.

"Bella? Are you all right?" he asked anxiously.

"That depends...am I dead?"

Jasper looked at me in shock for a moment before throwing his head back and letting loose a loud, raucous laugh. I smiled in spite of myself, unable to be cross with him now that I seemed to be alive afterward.

"I'm alive!" I said, and he smiled so wide I couldn't help but scream out loud at the sheer joy of it. "I'm alive!"

"Yes, you are," he affirmed, beaming. I was about to grin back when I clapped my hand over my mouth in horror. What if Charlie had heard me? My eyes anxiously flitted to the door, and Jasper, as if reading my thoughts, shook his head.

"He got delayed at the station. Left a message about ten minutes ago saying he wouldn't be back till late," he explained.

I nodded, then broke out in a grin again. "I'm sorry, I'm just so happy," I gushed, feeling a little stupid when I saw the strangely pained expression on Jasper's face.

His eyes flashed. "Never apologize for being happy, Bella," he told me fiercely. Then his expression softened. "You're very pretty when you smile," he added hesitantly, shocking the living daylights out of me.

"Oh," I stuttered, feeling warm, "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," he said lightly, back to his normal self. Then his expression turned serious again. "Bella, I have to tell you something."

I felt a sense of foreboding at the graveness in his voice. I could feel myself begin to shake, but I kept my voice steady. "Yes?"

He paused, looked out the window. I did not push, though it felt like every nerve in my body was screaming at him to speak. At last, he turned back to me, and there was such tenderness in his eyes that it stole my breath.

"Bella...today, at the clearing...I thought I would lose you. And I couldn't let that happen. I care...too much. I was prepared to...I almost..."

He was struggling for words, but he didn't need to say it. I understood. "You were going to change me!" I gasped, my mind reeling at this new development.

His face was cloaked in misery. "Yes."

I could not speak; I was a slave to my emotions. First and foremost was shock. I couldn't believe that Jasper was willing to make me a vampire. Edward wouldn't do that, and he loved me...my mouth dropped open in shock as I realized the truth of the situation. Forgetting the need for restraint, I let instinct take over and leaned closer to the angel perched on the side of my bed.

"Would you...regret it?" I asked, my voice the barest of whispers.

His eyes were locked on mine. "No."

I have no idea what expression was on my face then. I couldn't have spoken even if I wanted to, but Jasper held up a hand for silence, and I listened.

"Let me explain," he said, never breaking our eye contact. "I would have regretted changing you without your explicit permission. I would have felt sorry for the human things that you would miss. But you," a slow smile crept onto his face, "a vampire? That, I would not regret." Reaching forward, Jasper let his right hand trail gently along the side of my face. I could feel the places where his skin had touched mine smoldered coolly long after he removed his hand. Looking down at my lap, I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart and asked the question whose answer I was most afraid of knowing.

"Jasper...do you love me?"

Never taking his eyes off mine, Jasper slowly nodded.

**Jasper**

She was so beautiful. Christ, it was all I could think about. I revisited the image I had of her in her tank top and underwear more than I should have in those hours while she slept. Every time it crept back into my mind I had the urge to break something. What was wrong with me, honestly? It wasn't pure sexual frustration, I knew that for certain. I never thought of Bella like that, if I could help it, and when I slipped up I was wracked with guilt. It was more than friendship, I knew that. I'd already realized I loved her and my vampire mind would not let me forget it. But I shouldn't feel this way, I had no right. We were both grieving still, and I knew that today was one of the hardest since Volterra, at least for Bella. Although, I couldn't exactly say I'd had worse...

I still had no answers to these questions by the time Bella stirred, and in a moment of recklessness, I admitted to her what had been so afraid of confessing to myself: I loved Bella Swan.

Her reaction was not what I would have expected, had I had time to make a prediction. For a long time she simply started at me, not saying anything, and then, so softly it would never have been audible to normal ears, she whispered, "Come here."

Hesitant, I moved closer and put my arms around her, and she sighed into my hair. "Stay with me tonight," she begged, and there was no way on Earth I could resist her. I knew she didn't want me to say anything else, and this suited me. Leaning back against her pillows, I gestured to the space next to me, and she filled it with a sigh of contentment. She was unconscious within minutes, and I lay alert with her cradled in my arms, wishing, just this once, that sleep would come and wash my cares away.

**A/N: Thank you for the phenomenal response to the last chapter. I'm very sorry this one took so long - it wasn't intentional, I promise. I'll try to have the next one up as soon as possible; in the meantime, feedback is appreciated. **


	26. Confession, Pt 2

**Bella **

When I awoke, it was early morning. My back was to Jasper, but his arms were still around me, cradling me to him. The sun glinted off his skin beautifully, taking me by surprise although I'd seen him like this only yesterday. I knew he was awake, and the fact that he had stayed with me brought tears to my eyes. Yes, he had spent the night in my room before, but never had he laid with me and held me until the sun rose. My waist fit perfectly into the crook of his elbow, and the golden light shone down on his scarred forearm so that I could admire the perfect tendons visible just beneath the skin. Fascinated, I held very still, not wanting to disturb the pristine moment, and a thought flitted across the surface of my consciousness unbidden. _I could get used to this. _

Realizing that, I was struck by an overwhelming urge to touch him, to trace his scars and entwine my fingers with his. As soon as I moved, however, he drew back his arm so fast I barely saw it. I bit back a whimper at that, feeling naked without the feeling of it draped over me, and turned to face him.

It surprised me to realize that he was now standing with his back pressed up against the wall, his eyes wild and hair mussed. "What's wrong?" I asked, confused and anxious, every cell in my body screaming at me to go and embrace him but knowing that was one of the worst ideas I'd had yet.

He did not answer, his gaze fixed resolutely on a point above my head. When he did at last manage to speak, his voice sounded like he was being strangled. "Your shirt-" he managed to bite out, looking like was in physical pain.

I looked down and flushed. Several of the buttons on Jasper's shirt had come undone while I slept, revealing a great detail of bare stomach. Still blushing, I fumbled with the buttons until they were more or less straight and smoothed it down so that it covered more of my equally bare legs. My pants were on the floor; I vaguely remembered kicking them off before snuggling up to Jasper last night, so why was he acting so strangely now? Feeling perplexed and insecure, I called out "Better?"

He glanced back to me then, and there was a strange hunger in his eyes, a hunger I did not understand. Maybe my proximity had re-ignited the bloodlust...maybe he was fighting not to kill me, even know. But as soon as I had that thought, I rejected it. Jasper would not hurt me. That I knew for certain. Folding my hands in my lap, I sat primly on the bed and waited for him to speak.

He struggled with himself for a moment, and then said, "Depends on your definition."

"What does that mean?"

Jasper ran his hand through his hair in frustration, and I realized I'd missed the gesture if not the emotion that accompanied it. Frustrated Jasper was achingly handsome, especially when clad only in the wifebeater he'd been wearing under his button-down yesterday. Annoyed with myself, I tried to clear my head, but it wasn't Jasper spoke that my shameless admiration of his flawless features was truly interrupted.

"It means," Jasper began, "that you cannot imagine the trouble I was having keeping my hands off you with the buttons undone, but you look so damn sexy _wearing _my shirt that I think maybe it's best I remain over here for the moment."

Whatever response I had been expecting, that was certainly not it, and I think my mouth hung open in shock for a good minute or two before it was able to form words. "You...want me?" I attempted. The words did not sound entirely foreign coming out of my mouth, but considering the person they were directed at this was certainly new territory. Still, when Jasper's gaze met mine, the lust in his eyes was undeniable. Still, misery was there in equal measure, etched into every line of his face.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, burying his face in his hands. Abandoning my better instincts, I jumped off the bed and flew over to him, prying his hands away from his face. He looked down at me, startled, and his surprised expression was so adorable that I couldn't stop a smile from spreading across my face.

"Jasper," I told him gently, "it's okay. I...well...me too."

He was very still for a moment at that. His eyes searched mine for some explanation or depth of understanding, and I struggled to give it to him.

"Jasper, last night...when you said you loved me, it just felt right," I rushed to say, feeling like the words with which to express my emotions were cupped water in my hands, slipping away from every moment I wasted by not talking. "I felt happy, because...because I feel the same way. When I'm around you, I feel safe, and the pain...well, it's not like it stops hurting, you know that. But it just...it doesn't bother me the same way it does when I'm alone. If you went away, I'm not sure I could no on. You've saved me in more ways than one, and Jasper, I don't want to live without you."

His black eyes were locked on mine and burned bright than the sun itself. "You'll never have to," he promised fiercely, and wrapped his arms around me once again. We stayed like that for a long moment, my head resting against his chest, just enjoying the sound of each other's breathing, and all too soon he gently pulled away.

"I want to show you something," he offered, his eyes still smoldering. "Will you come with me?"

Did he really have to ask? I didn't bother to hide my smile as I placed my hand in his. "Of course."

**A/N: It's short, I know, I'm sorry, but my brain refuses to function any more tonight and I figured you'd rather have a short chapter than none at all, right? Anyway, I'm much more interested to know your opinions on the content, and thanks for all the lovely reviews for the last chapter, btw. **


	27. Decision

**Jasper**

I saw Bella stiffen in the seat opposite mine when we pulled up to the mansion in the woods. She looked at me with a question in her eyes, and I grasped her hand reassuringly before leading her up the steps.

I felt her grip on my hand tighten imperceptibly when we passed through the door. Feeling that, I couldn't help but remember the last time she'd been here, the night of her disastrous eighteenth birthday party...pressing my lips into a hard line, I tried not to recall the bloodlust, for fear I would kill myself out of sheer uninhibited loathing. If I had managed to control myself then, Edward would never have abandoned Bella, and Alice would still be alive...but it was no use think that way. Alice was dead, and if I'd killed her, well, regret would not bring her back.

With this in mind, I made my way slowly up the grand staircase, still holding Bella's hand. When we reached the threshold of the room Alice and I had shared, I turned, at last, to face her.

"You okay?" I asked her softly, wishing for a moment that I could still discern her emotions. It felt so human to have to ask.

Her brow furrowed. "Can't you tell?"

I shook my head, not wanting to get into it at the moment. She looked curious, but did not press. "I'm fine," she reassured me with a slightly forced smile, but her voice was steady and her hand warm in mine. Nodding, I made to turn around and open the door, but Bella stopped me with a hand on my chest.

"This is Alice's room," she stated. It wasn't a question, but I nodded anyway, and her eyes flitted to the doorknob and then back to my face. "May I?"

Surprised, I moved out of the way, and Bella, with a look of fierce determination on her face, laid her hand on the knob. She stayed like that for a moment, her fingers light on it's golden surface, and then, with an air of getting the worst over quickly, opened the door and stepped inside.

The scent of vanilla was not quite as strong as it had been when I had first returned, but it was still present. Following Bella into the room, I noticed that she was standing at the foot of the bed with her back to me.

"It smells like her," she noted, awed, and then her shoulders began to shake.

My hand was on her waist at once, gently rotating her around to face me, and I saw that her beautiful face was slick with tears. Crying out in misery, Bella threw her arms around my neck, and my arms wrapped around her almost unconsciously.

After a few minutes Bella's sobs slowed, and she drew back slightly. I loosened my hold to give her space, although I truthfully never wanted to let go of her, and she bravely wiped away the tears with the heel of her trembling hand.

"Why them, Jasper?" she beseeched me, her voice ragged. Her dark eyes were dripping with secrets and pain. "Why them, and not us?"

I could only shake my head and hold her tighter as she broke down again, resting her head against my chest as she cried. She regained her self-control more quickly this time, and after a few minutes of silence, she raised her head again.

"What was it you wanted to show me?" she asked, barely succeeding at keeping the tears out of her voice, and my heart broke a little for her then. She was so much stronger than she knew, so worthy of all the good things in life, and yet her plate had been heaped with endless misfortune...not bothering to hide the sudden surge of love I felt for her, I held her face in my hands and lightly pressed my lips to her forehead. I squeezed her waist gently and set her on the bed so I could rummage through the trunk at the foot of _our_ bed - I still had trouble thinking of it as solely mine - and produced the drawing of her on the flight back to Forks. Feeling suddenly nervous about what she would think of it, I handed it to her cautiously and then took a few quick steps back, not wanting to crowd her while she considered it.

Bella glanced down at it, confused, and one of her hands flew to her mouth. She looked up at me, and her eyes were shining once again, but this time she didn't seem sad, only overwhelmed.

"You drew the sunrise," she observed in the same awed voice with which she had noted the presence of Alice's scent, and then, unexpectedly, she smiled. Pressing the drawing to her chest, she ignored the few fresh tears that had escaped and told me in a quiet voice, as though she was putting the entire force of her beating heart behind her words, "Thank you."

I nodded, relieved, and we stayed like that for a moment, with me standing and her sitting on the bed looking up at me, and I felt we were both too full for words. With this is mind, I gave no introduction or warning as I handed her my favorite drawing of Edward and Alice. They were racing, with Alice looking back over her shoulder to see Edward gaining. Laughter and light were present in both of their eyes. It quelled the raging ache inside my hollow chest to remember them like that, carefree and happy, and there was no way I could anticipate Bella's reaction.

Taking the drawing in her hands, Bella merely glanced at it before beginning to shake uncontrollably. Throwing her head back, she screamed, and it was the single most chilling sound I'd ever heard. I was at her side immediately, wrenching the paper from her hands, talking to her a low, soothing voice, but my words had no effect. Pushing me aside, Bella raced over to the closed door and struck it over and over again with closed fists. Rushing over, I pulled her away, but not before her hands were bleeding freely. She did not burst into tears at my touch as I expected, but stiffened, and looking into her eyes and saw cold fury reflected there, deep and immeasurable. Without meaning to, I drew back slightly, refusing to inhale and be entranced by the smell of her blood, and with dead eyes she spoke the words that made my world come undone.

"Jasper, I want revenge."

**A/N: Another short one. Don't hate me, please, I'm trying to get as much of this story out as possible before school starts and I become consumed in the junior year madness of AP classes and SAT prep and debate and blah blah blah. I'd like it very much if you'd still review, considering this is kind of a turning point in the story and I very much want to know what you think. Ok, thanks. **


	28. Leaving

**Bella **

Time seemed to fly by as soon as the initial plans were made. I made an effort to cook for Charlie every night that month, and often caught myself looking at him sadly when his attention was focused elsewhere. I called Renee as often as I could, and the night before graduation, as I got off the phone with her, I had to stifle a sob. She'd called me in a frenzy, informing me that Phil had sustained an injury and she had to stay and take care of things. I assured her it wasn't a problem, but there was a lump in my throat as I told her I loved her. It didn't seem fair that avenging Edward and Alice meant that I would never see my mother again...but it was probably best this way. There was less chance of her getting hurt, and if she came to Forks at this point, I wasn't sure I'd be able to let her leave.

I was quiet for a while after I got off the phone with my mother, and Jasper noticed. Pulling me into his arms, he whispered into my hair, "You don't have to do this."

I pushed him away. "And what am I supposed to do? Stand by while you attempt it on your own?" I replied angrily. "Not likely, Jasper."

He considered me for a moment, then sighed. "I'm sorry, Bella," he said simply. "I just hate the thought of you-"

I stopped him with a finger on his lips. "Shh," I admonished him gently. "We promised not to discuss it anymore, remember?"

The agony in his eyes was echoed in his voice as he answered softly, "Yes, I remember."

Something strange passed between us then, followed immediately by a feeling like the cramped ache you get in your arm after a slight shock. Jasper leaned forward, that familiar hungry look in his eye, and for a wild moment I wanted to brush my lips against his, to find an outlet for the pent up longing and frustration in my heart, but I refrained.

"I need to get ready for tomorrow," I told him, turning away.

"Of course," Jasper agreed, inclining his head like the gentleman he was, and then surprised me by swooping forward and pressing his lips to my temple.

"Such sweet sorrow," he murmured teasingly into my ear, and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. Jasper knew of my soft spot for that play, and, thinking it ridiculous himself ("how can anyone fall in love in five minutes? Romeo could be a murderer for all Juliet knows"), had taken it upon himself to embarrass me by quoting lines from it at every opportunity. I turned around to smack him with the blouse I held in my hand, but he was already out the window, the curtains trembling slightly in his wake. Smiling slightly to myself, I finished laying out my graduation outfit and, flicking off the light, lay down for a night of thankfully dreamless sleep.

_______________________

The next day seemed to slip by much faster than I'd bargained for. One moment I was fussing with my now pixie-length hair in the bathroom; the next I was walking across the vast stage, trying not to trip or burst into some frightening combination of tears and laughter as Jasper made faces at me and Charlie beamed proudly from the front row. After the ceremony was over, the three of us went out to eat. Dipping a fry absentmindedly in ketchup, I thought of how nightmarishly unlikely this scene would have appeared a year ago - Jasper, Charlie and I, sharing a friendly dinner at the Lodge. Of course, Jasper wasn't eating anything, claiming the queasiness from nerves hadn't worn off just yet, but Charlie had become accustomed enough to the Cullens' strange eating habits that this did not bother him unduly. After dinner we went back to my house and watched a movie together, and the normalcy of it all struck me as particularly precious. I tried not to think of the night in lasts - this is the last time I'll endure this mediocre food because Charlie loves it - the last time I'll kiss his scratchy cheek goodnight - the last time I'll hear Renee's voice, tinny from the long distance connection, wishing me a tired but heartfelt _Congratulations_ - but it was impossible, and I found that my cheeks were already wet as I tried to suppress the tide of emotion. Standing in the kitchen, I placed the envelope containing the letter for Charlie on the kitchen table and raced out of the house as fast as I could, knowing that if I looked back I'd change my mind.

Jasper met me at the edge of the woods, having left a half an hour earlier under the pretense of turning in early. His face was unreadable as I approached, duffle bag in hand, silent tears streaming down my face.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked me for what felt like the millionth time, feeling like I was convincing myself as well as him, I replied, "I have to."

His eyes were blacker than I'd ever seen them before, so dark they might have blended into the night if not for the white surrounding the irises. "There's no going back."

"I know." My voice sounded stronger than I felt; maybe I could do this after all.

He studied me for a long moment, and then, moving forward, he slung my duffel bag over his shoulder and lifted me so that I was cradled close to his chest. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I tucked my head against him and closed my eyes, not wanting to see the trees whipping by. In just a few minutes we had reached the border. Sliding down onto my own two feet, I grasped Jasper's hand and waited.

We couldn't have been there for more than ten minutes before headlights bathed the road in light. Squinting, I spotted the familiar outline of a Volkswagen Rabbit pulled over on the side of the road. Giving Jasper's hand a squeeze, I then let go and made my way across the imagined border, coming to a halt on the passenger's side. Leaning down, I made to tap on the window, but Jake was already halfway out of the car.

"Save it, Bella," he growled as he opened the car's miniscule trunk. "I'm only doing this because it's right, not out of some misplaced affection, believe me,"

"That's good to hear," I said lightly, having anticipated some animosity, but Jake merely grunted in response. Pulling my motorcycle out of his car, he set it on the road between the two of us, and I made the mistake of looking into his eyes.

There was a world of unresolved pain in Jake's face, and I could see that a month hadn't apart hadn't had any effect on Jake's feelings for me. Sighing, I went over to him and threw my arms around him in a tight hug. His arms hung limply by his sides at first, but after a few long seconds they lifted and wrapped themselves around me.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I told him honestly. "What I said to you in the hospital was wrong. You put me back together when no one else cared, and I never got a chance to thank you for that. So...thank you. For getting me out of the coma. For making me realize it was okay to feel things again."

"Don't mention it, Bells," he said gruffly against my hair, and then a little softer, in a voice full of regret, "I'm sorry, too."

I responded by hugging him as tight as I could, one last time. He replied in kind, and when we pulled away, tears were standing in both of our eyes.

"Take care of Charlie for me, Jake," I asked, my voice thick with emotion.

He nodded, looking heartbroken. "Love you, Bells," he whispered softly, as though the words were being wrenched from some deep well of pain within him.

"Love you too, Jake," I answered sadly, and, taking my motorcycle by the handlebars, wheeled it off to where Jasper waited with open arms and understanding etched on his face.

_____________________

The next few days are quite literally a blur in my memory. I remember the trees sliding by one after another at such speed and with such dreadful monotony that eventually I just laid my head against Jasper's shoulder and was lulled into a sort of half-sleep that didn't come close to the real thing. The first night we stayed in a crappy motel just off the interstate, where the owner leered at me though his missing teeth until Jasper threatened to knock the rest out for him. The next night, fearing that my picture would be all over the news by now, we camped off a desolate little hiking trail on the border of Washington and Canada. We laid down beneath the stars, Jasper dressed in normal garb and me shivering even curled up next to a space heater and nestled in a thermal sleeping bag, and simply talked for a while, comparing memories of the ones we'd lost. Jasper had just lapsed into silence after recounting the story of how he'd met Alice when I gasped and pointed frantically behind his head.

Snarling and crouching into a defensive stance, Jasper was surprised to discover, not a predator, but the glorious lights of the aurora borealis, visible above the treetops from where we were settled on a modest peak. We watched them dance across the sky in silence for a while, awed at the beauty of the shimmering green and blue colors, and then, at my insistence, Jasper curled up beside me despite the cold and stayed that way until I fell asleep.

_________________

I was awoken in the morning by the sounds of conversation. Jasper was talking to someone, a woman it sounded like, who had a perfect, melodic alto of a voice. Knowing instantly that this was no stray hiker, I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

Standing at the edge of our campsite next to Jasper was a stunning strawberry-blond clad in leggings, boots, and a leather vest over a loose white button-down. Her corkscrew curls tumbled past her waist and her eyes were a sparkling gold.

"You must be Bella," she said in that voice like honey. Then her expression changed, and her voice grew tight, as though she were suppressing her inner fury. "We were...so sorry...to hear about Edward," she managed haltingly, and I nodded, not knowing what to say.

"So you'll help us, then?" Jasper interjected, glossing over the awkward moment, and the vampire who I would come to know as Tanya turned back to him and laughed mirthlessly.

"You have no idea how long we've been waiting for this."

**A/N: Okay, so kind of a cliffhanger, but not really. Don't hurt me! Anyway, at least it's longer, I'm probably not going to be able to get the next chapter up for a while so I wanted to give you guys a little something to chew on in the meantime. Constructive criticism is very much appreciated. Thanks. **


	29. Justice

**Bella**

I stared at Tanya in confusion. What was she talking about? I knew her family and the Cullens had been friends, but I didn't think she was that close with Edward or Alice, and the strange triumph in her voice was disconcerting.

"I'm not quite sure what you mean," I said slowly.

Tanya looked at Jasper in surprise. "You didn't tell her?"

Jasper shrugged. "It wasn't my place," he explained.

Tanya's eyebrows shot up, but she did not comment, turning to me instead, and her voice was hard as she explained: "You are not the only ones from whom the Volturi have stolen." She paused, her head bent, and then, softly, "They killed my mother."

"Oh...I'm so sorry," I told her, not knowing what else to say. Then, after a moment of reverence for the dead, we began to plan.

______________________

My hand was trembling as I tried to apply the eyeliner, and I ended up with a black stroke of paint across my cheek. Sighing, I wiped it away and stopped for a moment to survey my appearance in the old-fashioned vanity.

My hair, which was now long enough to tuck behind my ears, had been styled elaborately into a mess of curls on top of my head and secured with several crystal-encrusted pins, so it glinted when it caught the light. My lips were painted ruby red and I was wearing a black dress with a tight, low-cut bodice and a skirt that flared out to just below my knees, a hint of black tulle visible underneath. While I would never normally wear something so dramatic and eye-catching, I had decided to go all out tonight because it was fitting for the character I had to play, and I needed to feel as little like myself as possible if I wanted to have a prayer of pulling this off.

Sighing, I gave up on the eyeliner and slipped on the dreaded black suede boots with the six-inch heels that were waiting by my bed. Taking one last, fleeting glance at the mirror, and struggling not to realize that it was the last time I would ever see that reflection, I grabbed my sequined bag and raced out of the room.

**Jasper**

I couldn't lose my focus. It was imperative that I remain cool and collected or the plan would fail utterly. Unknowingly, however, Bella was doing her best to distract me from the moment she appeared at the top of the stairs.

The dress she was wearing complimented her figure just so, drawing my eye first to her delicate collarbones, then to her tiny waist, and at last (maddeningly) to the three inches of skin visible between where the dress ended and the boots began. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair sparkled, and although full of worry, her eyes were the most alive I'd seen them in ages. Noticing this, I couldn't help but savor that warm, familiar brown, knowing that after tonight it would be nothing but a memory.

"What?" asked Bella nervously, arriving at my side. I simply shook my head and smiled reassuringly, taking her arm.

Together Bella and I walked to the dark car parked outside of the hotel. After a short conversation with the driver, we settled into the back seat, neither of us quite meeting the other's eyes. Bella studied her lap while I watched as the bright lights of Volterra appeared below us on the winding mountain road.

As I'm sure you know, time has a funny habit of speeding up when you're anticipating something unpleasant, and we reached the city limits in what felt like only a few minutes. In desperation, I turned to Bella, and saw that she had torn her gaze away from her lap and was now staring at me with a stricken expression. She looked so small and vulnerable sitting there, and I wanted to say something that would make everything all right, but for the first time, words failed.

Bella seemed to be thinking along the same lines. Moving closer to me, she reached up and tenderly laid one hand on the side of my jaw. Seeing her trying to comfort me, though, was more than I could bear, and with a groan I finally succumbed to the feelings that had been plaguing me for months.

Pulling Bella onto my lap, I kept one hand steady on the small of her back and cradled her head with the other. Leaning forward, I let my lips brush hers with just the slightest pressure, so that she was equally free to either refuse or respond.

Pulling back slightly, I looked into those lovely brown eyes and saw trust and fear in equal amounts. "I love you," I whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth, and something took over then, instinctual and strong. Bringing her hands back to the sides of my face, Bella seized me by the hair, dragging my face back to hers. And then we were kissing with wild abandon, a rush of thoughts and senses and brand-new feelings, and I was pressed up against the corner of the car, Bella straddling my lap -

The cab driver suddenly cleared his throat, and Bella leapt away from me, blushing furiously. I felt irrationally angry for embarrassing her, but this thought was driven out of my head by a much more important fact: we had reached our destination.

**Bella**

I looked at Jasper with a world of regret as we pulled up to the sidewalk. At the moment I wanted nothing more than to stay in the car and kiss him for another two hours or three, but justice wouldn't wait. Leaning over one last time, I peppered that jaw I adored with furious kisses.

"I...love...you," I managed to choke out, gasping, and then, before he could see the tears glistening in my eyes, I slid across the seat and stepped out of the car.

__________________

Fear would have been the rational response as I walked up to the receptionist's desk. After all, the last time I had been here I had seen two of the people I loved most in the world slaughtered in cold blood. But I was not afraid. Instead, my veins were pulsing with a sort of perverse excitement. I wanted this.

"Do you have an appointment?" The secretary asked, and I remembered with disgust that it was her life's ambition to become one of the Volturi guard, although I could not recall her name.

"I'm here to see Aro," I stated calmly, and really looking at me for the first time, recognition dawned upon her face.

"Oh, yes...Bella, isn't it?" she asked with false warmth, considering me with a critic's eye. I knew it must kill her than I could attain her heart's desire at the drop of a phone call, but she did an impressive job of not letting her certain fury show. Standing up, she beckoned me to follow her down the long, white hallway. "Right this way."

Smiling slightly to myself, I followed the woman into a room I remembered all too well. The stone walls provided a medieval atmosphere that was echoed by the people standing in the middle of the vast chamber. I say people, but of course I mean monsters, because that's what they were, those vile, thieving _leeches - _

I was distracted from my inner rant by the clearing of an ancient throat. I kept my face impassive as Aro turned to greet me. The somber expression that adorned his powdery face immediately turned to one of joy as his eyes lit upon my face.

"Bella!" he cried out, and his long robes swishing as he walked over to greet me. Coming to a halt, his eyes swept over me in an excited, appraising sort of way. "You look simply ravishing, my dear."

"Thank you," I replied automatically, trying to fight the rolling waves of nausea that had accosted me at his presence.

Aro smiled broadly, oblivious to my inner discomfort. "And you are ready for tonight's festivities, I presume? If you are nervous, it could be postponed for a few days, and I could arrange for a tour of the city..."

The menace in his tone did not go unheard by me. This was a test, a test to see if I was truly serious, and if I gave the wrong answer, I knew he would have no qualms about killing me on the spot. Letting some of the murderous impulse I felt towards him show in my eyes, I said, "Aro, you're not trying to deny me what you promised, are you? I've come all this way and I want to be one of you _now._"

For a moment, Aro's eyes betrayed his shock, but then he gave a delighted gale of laughter. "So eager for immortality, child! I love it. Your Cullens seemed to almost want to be _human_..." The disgust in his voice was poorly masked, yet I knew this was another test. If I defended the Cullens, I would be killed. Knowing this, I hurried to provide an answer that would please him.

"Disgusting, isn't it," I began, letting my hatred for the Volturi color my tone. "To be given so great a gift, and then reject it as if it were a curse instead..." I shuddered.

Aro's smile widened. "Disgusting, indeed..." Then he seemed to come to a decision. Eyes rolling back in his head, he let loose a low, haunting whistle, and in an instant the room was flooded with Volturi.

They seemed to appear out of the blackness at the edges of the room, and although I knew logically that there were doorways there, it had an undeniably eerie effect. Aro was soon flanked by the vampires I knew as Marcus and Caius, the former looking apathetic and the latter furious. Next were Alec and the devil herself, Jane, followed by Felix and Demetrius and twenty or so others whose names I didn't know.

"It is traditional," Aro began as if there had been no interruption in our conversation, "before one's transformation, to break the subject physically," he lashed out suddenly, faster than I would have believed possibly for someone who looked so frail, and I was writhing on the floor in pain, clutching at my right kneecap, which I felt sure had been shattered, "so that there can be no question of one's decision."

"It is also traditional," Caius picked up the thread of conversation, "for each member of the Guard to have a hand in bringing about said transformation." And then there was a hideous snap as he grabbed my wrist and bent it back four inches too far. I screamed as my hand flopped uselessly to my side, and Caius stepped back, a wild, disturbing glee etched upon his face. In contrast, Marcus wore an expression of pure boredom as he stepped forward and kicked me in the stomach. Unable to breathe, I nevertheless held up my shaking, unbroken hand, and, reaching into my sequined bag, pulled out a small yet ornate jewelry box.

"A gift," I rasped, my breath half-returned, "since words alone cannot....express my thanks."

Aro looked at the music box with interest for a moment, then pocketed it. I could not suppress the smile of exultation that graced my face at that. It was exactly what I had hoped for. Knowing my job was done, I let my head fall to the floor, surrendering to the pain.

Jane came forward then, probably to wrench my uninjured arm out of it's socket, but she was interrupted by the sound of the door being flung open. I was already fading by then, but I do remember the pain in the receptionist's voice as she screamed "Why her?! Why not me?" Then there was the feeling of the metal colliding with my spine, and the pain in my lower half disappeared. I heard a familiar voice, ripe with anguish and fear, cry out "BELLA!" Then, battered and beaten, I descended into darkness.

**A/N: Sorry this took me so long, guys. I had a busy week. I feel I need to comment on my geographical fail last chapter: I do actually know where Canada is, but I was very tired and forgot. Thank you to those of you who noticed and corrected me. Also, I took some liberties with geography in this chapter - I don't actually know if there are mountains anywhere near Volterra, but that's how I always imagined it when I read the book, so I'm gonna call it poetic license and be done with it. **

**I'm not even going to comment on this chapter. I'd rather hear your thoughts. My plan is to have one more chapter and then an epilogue. Reviews, as always, are very much appreciated.**


	30. Ashes

**Jasper **

My ears were closed to every sound save the staccato beat of her heart as I raced across the room to kneel by her side. Gathering her broken body in my arms, I forced myself not to focus on the unnatural twist of her spine, and fended off an advancing Volturi with a well aimed kick to the head. Cradling Bella close to me, I leapt for the door, screaming the word "NOW!" as I hurtled through the opening.

The ensuing blast knocked me off my feet, but I had no time to recover, since a long arm of fire was already reaching hungrily into the corridor after me. Sprinting down the hallway, I managed to stay ahead of the ravenous tendril of flame only by the barest millimeter, and jumped for the window at the end of the hall, giving new meaning to the phrase "leap of faith".

Fortunately, the force of the impending explosion shattered the glass just before what would have been impact, and Bella and I passed through the opening unscathed. My vampire reflexes enabled me to land on my feet with Bella in my arms, and, with all of my attention focused on her rapidly slowing heartbeat, I could not spare a moment to take in my surroundings. My chest wracked with silent sobs for the pain she had been forced to suffer, I tenderly brushed a lock of hair out of her face before sinking my teeth into her bruised but still lovely skin.

**Bella  
**  
When I awoke, I thought I was being burned alive.

The agony was indescribable. At first, stricken with pain and confused, I believed that Jasper had failed to rescue me but the bomb had been set off anyway, and I was now dying along with the wicked murderers I had deceived. Thinking this, I wept bitter tears - for myself, some, but mostly for Jasper, knowing his probable reaction to my death. Then, my mind still preoccupied with the terrible fire that consumed my veins, I heard something that, if my heart were still beating, would have sent it screeching to a halt.  
"Bella? Bella, can you hear me? Oh God, what have I done..."

I was suddenly gripped with terror. Was Jasper still trying to save me? No, I wanted to cry, it's too late! I was burning, and now he would die too.

This thought ripped a scream from my chest, guttural and horror-filled. I heard Jasper cry out as well, and I thrashed around wildly in panic, thinking that the flames had caught him, too. But before I could even fully process this thought, I felt the presence of a cool hand on my forehead, and Jasper's voice whispering in my ear, "Shh, Bella, everything is going to be all right...I'm so sorry they hurt you, you have no idea-" his voice, frantic with anxiety, broke, and he was reduced to a quiet, helpless weeping as he cradled me in his arms. My veins still burned with fire, but I trusted Jasper absolutely and, aside from letting the occasional moan escape, tried to stay in control for his benefit.

It seemed like an eternity passed before the fire began to slowly fade from my extremities. I felt very hot, then a freezing, burning cold, and then, abruptly, the pain was gone. I was conscious of Jasper holding me still, and of a slight discomfort in the back of my throat, but other than that I felt amazing, better than I had in months. I could hear the sounds of laughter and city traffic, and while the sounds should have blended together into a collective incomprehensible din, I found that I was able to pick out each one as individually separate and distinct. None of that really mattered to me right then, though. All I wanted in that moment was finding Jasper.

Opening my eyes, I saw that I was lying in a luxurious white-sheeted bed in a room overlooking a city. Shaking my head confusedly, as though there were water in my ears, I tried to remember where I was, but every time I got close to an answer, it slipped away, elusive as a deer in a forest.

I was distracted from my musings by the sight of the curtain blowing back, revealing an angel standing on the balcony. A grin stealing across my face, I slipped out of bed without a sound and padded silently over to the glass door. Walking out onto the balcony, I walked up behind Jasper and wrapped my arms around his form.

He spun around quickly, and I could not suppress a gasp at the sight of his face, backlit by the morning sun and outlined in glorious new detail. He tried to speak, but I shushed him with the pressure of my lips on his, and he gave in with a soft groan, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing me to him. Sadly, the close contact lasted only a moment before he broke away, a miserable expression on his face.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," he exploded, tripping over words in his haste. "I had no idea they would torture you like that, I'll never forgive myself, I didn't know-"

I blinked. Why was Jasper so upset? "Who is 'they'?" I said confusedly, and Jasper's eyes widened in shock, his next words lost. After a moment of looking at me in sheer disbelief, he managed to take me gently by the wrist and steer me over to the vanity, where all of my illusions were promptly shattered with one glimpse at my blood-red eyes.

**Jasper**

Although I felt apprehensive about attempting too much on Bella's first day in her new body, she insisted that we meet with Tanya immediately, and after all that she had been through to achieve our common goal, I felt it would be overstepping my bounds to deny her anything. She refused to let go of my hand throughout our entire discussion with Tanya, and while I didn't her display of affection I was beginning to feel that her ordeal had had more of an effect on her than even she realized. She hid it well, however, her expression blank as Tanya described the perfect execution of the plan, extolling the genius of Bella's idea to hide the bomb in a jewelry box, and by the time the conversation was finished, I felt certain that no Volturi had been left alive.

Before leaving Volterra, Bella and I had one last pilgrimage to make together. Hand in hand we slipped quietly out of a dark, unmarked car and slipped into the back entrance of the ancient fortress. Standing entwined on a pile of ashes, we wept dry tears for all that we'd lost and done.  
**  
A/N: Epilogue coming soon. Please review.**


	31. Epilogue: Peace

After a time, their sobs slow, and with hands intertwined, Jasper and Bella make their way through the streets of Volterra, grateful for the cloudy day even though hiding is their choice. They can choose to do whatever they wish now, having cleared the world of the scourge that was the Volturi. They can contact the rest of the Cullens. They can go back to Forks and explain to Charlie. And they will get around to both, eventually. But now, all that they really want is to be with each other.

___________________

On a secluded beach in the south of France, a beautiful young woman steps out of the water, short hair falling into eyes that rival the sun. She wears a backless black bathing suit that dips below her navel and a radiant smile that makes her even more alluring to the equally beautiful man watching her with a smirk on his face. He knows how much she loves to tease him, and he enjoys the game. Today, however, he feels he cannot resist having her in his arms immediately, and standing up, begins to make his way towards her at a leisurely, confident pace.

Predictably, a chase ensues; the woman feints to the right and barely eludes the grasp of the man; laughing and shrieking with delight, they take off down the beach, racing a considerable distance before the man puts on a burst of speed and manages to encircle her waist with his arm. Laughing, the pair stumbles to the sparkling white sand, which is mirrored by their skin, and begin kissing feverishly. The woman pauses for a moment to admire the way the sun glints off her partner's bare, sculpted chest, and, looking up at the clear blue, feels free from the shackles of her past.

**A/N: Oh my God, I can't believe it's over. Literally, I'm going to have trouble accepting this. But I feel satisfied with the ending for the most part, and I hope you do, too. I cannot begin to articulate how much I appreciate each review, story alert, and favorite - honestly, I love you all. You're amazing. At the risk of rambling on incessantly, I'm going to end this here, but thank you SO SO MUCH, and I hope that you'll check out my future fanfiction!**


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